perennial

prometheus

i've just finished my last lesson in all of high school
(can system). with only the final exams to go. everyone
around me is impossibly hyper. it seems as if all their
high school life was spent waiting for this moment to come.
the prospect of graduation sets off something inside, i
guess. i wonder why i don't feel as effervescent as
everyone else.

perhaps it's because i graduated 6 months ago from
secondary school (brit system). i was truly excited then.
and the minute i stepped out of school i started focusing
on graduating from junior college. i started focusing on
going to junior college. you see, my school life wasn't
spent in anticipation of graduating. it was spent in
anticipation of junior college. i was never excited by the
idea of university, because that was too far away from home
to consider when you're about nine. but junior college,
that was in reach. that where teenagers become a little
more independent than before, where you start behaving as
if you're already on college, without the heavy duty
things. and instead i moved here. joined grade 12 after the
first term and am now graduating with people i hardly know.

you would think that the mood in the air is horribly
catching. but it isn't. it just leaves me very tired. i
feel as if someone poked me and let all the energy out. in
a steady stream, not a whoosh or anything. i suppose i -can-
feel a little more energized if i truly want to, but why
the effort? too much bother. i suspect that even my typing
is slowed, which isn't a first really.

graduation. damn.