The Crazy Life of a Crazy Shoe
2001-06-12 20:29:42 (UTC)

Tuesday, June 12, 2001

this is such a good idea. i need so bad to talk about
everything i'm doing lately but they're is noone to talk to
about it and i can't really right it down on paper 'cause
my bf might find it.
i really wanna get all this stuff off my chest, and be able
to remember it later, cause i've been doing some pretty
outrageous things lately. it's been pretty exciting but
i'm starting to scare myself now.
last night i talked to travis. it is amazing what a good
liar i am which i think is what scares me the most.
after telling sexy sexy amos pretty much everything about
my sexual past i am starting to feel kinda slutty, but i
don't really care. the only thing that bothers me is the
fact that i have a daughter. that kinda scares me. i
can't help...or atleast i don't feel like i can
help...myself from doing all these things, but i hope it
never comes back to hurt her...i don't really see how it
could as long as i keep it away from her which ofcourse i
totally intend to do.
so i talked to travis about the incident which probably
needs some clarifying right here....
it happened saturday night. i had been talking to amos
about what i should do to get rid of dorky travis and he
said i should just come right out and tell him that i only
ever wanted him for sex. my plan was to find some guy on
the dance floor and make out with him in front of travis so
he would get the hint and leave me alone, but as amos
pointed out...that is kinda cruel. so i kinda did a little
of both. at first i played real distant with him. i
barely looked at him and kinda pulled away from his touch.
after about 2 or 3 hours at the club i finally found a
hotty that i could get physical with...and this is the best
part -- it was his stag 'cause he's getting married next
week!!!! he was sooooo dreamy and to top it all off his
name is chris!!! man!! ever since i dated chris every time
i hear that name i get all dreamy...i really fell for him
hard and i always dream about what it would have been like
if we had of stayed together, so the fact that this hotty's
name is chris was just like fate or something.
so i start dancing with this guy and whispering things in
his ear like "you're really hot" and "i wanna do you so
bad" and he's all "no...this is bad" and that kinda crap
but i could tell he was totally into it 'cause he started
to unzip my pants, the ones that don't have a button so he
could totally see my cute pink panties right there on the
dance floor while we were dancing. plus..this is all in
front of travis, but after the incident at the other club
when he freaked out on me because those guys where pressing
up against me while we were dancing..i was just trying to
teach him a lesson that i'm not his girlfrind. anyways,
this hotty is totally grinding against me, then he tells me
he's hard so i have to feel him and he definately was. so
i whisper that we should leave. at first he didn't want to
but he did want my e-mail address so i gave him my secret
one so andy wouldn't find out. but eventually after all
that grinding and me promising that noone will find out he
can't resist temptation anymore than i can so he promises
to meet me out back if i leave first so noone sees us leave
together which is perfect for me.
so i go outside and right away he comes out, i grabbed his
hand and we headed to this perfect spot behind a fence. we
started kissing and i could tell my amazing kissing
techniques were totally turning him on so i said right up
against his mouth "can i suck you?" ofcourse he said yes
so down i went and he was delicious. for some reason he
was worried about being to small but he was the perfect
size for sucking, i guess every guy is worried about that
though. another thing that was adorable about him was that
he had no idea how hot he was!!! seriously, it wasn't an
act, the girl he's marrying must have really played
somethng on him to convince him that 'cause he was so
unbearably delicious!!! so i'm sucking away and i can't
stand it anymore so i ask him to fuck me, i could tell he
wanted to but he said he didn't have a condom so he
couldn't, i begged him so he suggested that we do it anal.
i was happy with that suggestion 'cause i like it that way,
especially if i've been i was on my period
so it worked out perfect. so he does me but he pulls out
without telling me that he's gonna cum so i didn't get to
drink him which totally sucked...not literally either :(
but he was beautiful and i so don't regret it. i was
supposed to e-mail me on monday and he hasn't yet so i'm
guessing he feels bad which sucks 'cause i'd soooo love to
do him again....oh well.
but what happens after that is the funniest..and
scariest...part. we go back downstairs seperately but i
guess it was kinda obvious 'cause we had both been gone for
so long so everyone caught on i guess...which makes me
mad 'cause sarah's friends are all nosey bitches and they
need to mind they're own business, then again, they
proabably don't have any business as exciting as mine so i
guess i can't really blame them right?
so we go back and ofcourse travis is mad. i drag him out
onto the dance floor and he won't even touch me so i
suggest we go for a walk. he says "ya..i think that's a
really good idea" so we get outside and he accuses me of
fooling around with this guy and i totally turn on the
acting skills here. i seriously should have won an
oscar!!! i started crying and telling him it was really
mean to accuse me of something like that when really i had
gone outside to puke and all this phoney crap which he
totally buys and apologizes!!! then i tell him i don't
think we should see each other 'cause he's way to serious
for me which i can tell makes the loser wanna cry which
honestly would have made me laugh no matter how good an
actress i am! so we go back inside and we start to dance
cause he says he still wants to be friends, when chris
comes up to me again and starts rubbing up against me while
i'm dancing with travis!!! it was awesome! so travis asks
me if i wanna dance with this guy and i say yes..travis
leaves all upset and i continue to dance with hotty chris
who promises he's gonna e-mail me...which i really hope he
does. anyways, the last couple dances i dance with travis
so everyone doesn't think i'm a total slut, which they
probably do anyways but they can go to hell, and we call a
cab and leave. i don't really remember to much after
that 'cause i ran upstairs as soon as i got home cause they
were taking to long.
k...fastforward to yesterday..monday...i call travis. i
have no idea why..he really is quite gay if you ask me...i
mean he's way to sensitive for me and ever since he told me
he sucks his thumb while he sleeps...well, that's a little
too weird even for me. but i call him and totally convince
him to forgive me and to come over for some nooky. i can't
believe i did that 'cause he so doesn't turn me on anymore,
but he came over. what really worried me though was that i
got nothing from our little sex session. he called me
later to tell me it was the best sex he's ever had, but i
didn't even get to cum and i was so turned off by him that
it definately was not the best for me. this is what's
scaring feels like i'm just pushing and pushing and
pushing...trying to do the most outrageous things possible
with the most people possible and now i'm not even getting
any pleasure out of it except for the rush that i did
it...which totally sucks 'cause i can't even tell anyone
about it now, since i'm not getting rides from sexy
amos...who by the way i wanted so bad and am so disapointed
that i didn't make the moves on!!! which is just another
example of tempting fate..i mean..he is my dad's
foreman!!!! wow...i still am looking forward to a summer of
freedom since i'll be staying at my parents with no
supervision from controlling andy, but i better watch it,
and although i hate them, i think i should start using
condoms if i intend on upping my sex partners. i'm
supposed to call travis today but i don't think i'm
gonna...unless i get really bored...i'll let you know
tomorrow......this was really good for me...i'm glad i
decided to do this.