Scarlet's Life
2000-12-31 08:23:10 (UTC)

Well, I don t really know what..

Well, I don't really know what to say. I mean The only
reason I'm writing in this this is to just let everything
out. my older sis just move to live with my dad.. an hr
away.. and we have never be apart for anything over 5 days.
I'll miss her.. even if I hate her... My boyfriend is in
jail. and he won't b out till 10-12-01... TOOO long away...
I can't tihnk of anything but him... I TRY sooo hard not to
think of him.. but no help... my adopted sis, Amanda is
getting realy bad into this depression thing.. she keeps
takling aobut death and that she's sowie about
everything... but I say "If all my friends were to jump
off bridge, I won't follow. I"ll be at the bottom to catch
them" I have a habit of TRYING to make everyone's life
perfect and great.. I have almost done that... I've helped
soo many people that I have met and jet I havn't helped
myself.. I hide from my problem.. I feel sowie for my
boyfriend, Ben, I spill everything to him.. even my though
about him.. and he wants soo much to just hold me in his
arms and to take away all my pain and suffering.. but he
can't.. all he can do is write me and listen to all my
problem.. I don't want him to hurt.. I don't care if I'm
hurtting... But if he does.. I go insane.. he's my
bestfriend, lover, and companion.. but if I hurt then he
hurts and if he hurts I hurt.. so I feel like it's all my
fault and he feels like it's his fault for being picked up
and putting me though all of this.. I don't know
anymore... Things are alwayz complicated.. just as life
is.. it seems to sux at times.. but then there are times
that u just can't keep outta ur mind and a smile off of ur
face from...