T

Never leave her for me

I am feeling empty and lonely. I dont know whats wrong
with me.. but this evening I just feel so lonely. Maybe
it's me missing my kids, because they seem to be the only
thing that keeps me from going insane over X. They truly
are.
Maybe I'm just missing X terribly. (as usual) Or maybe I
am just unhappy with myself.. maybe I am just feeling
terribly empty inside because I am just an unhappy person
and I constantly set myself up to make myself feel bad or
something like that.
I just feel my heart hurting, I feel lonely. Will X be
able to fill that void for me?? I think that if we are
together he will.. but I think of times when I was down
south with him and I felt so much more alone than ever.
However, at that time I was always waiting for him, I was
living in his house practically........
I spent Thanksgiving in a WalMart. Just thinking about
that makes me lonely.

Will N ever be out of the picture????? Will he just lead
me along to think that she will be.. just as long as I come
to him.
X the day will arrive when I do come to you.... when I show
up on your front doorstep... After all this, will you tell
me that you changed your mind? Will you say 'too late'? I
was so lonely down there with you..... I wanted so badly to
just be there and be with you. Sooo incredibly badly. I
hate feeling this empty inside. It makes me question if
having X will actually fill this emptiness, or has the
emptiness gone past him and its now all my fault that I'm
empty.. if hes here will I still be empty? How do I make
myself feel good.. especially knowing in my heart that he
will never ever leave her for me..

~T