swimboi

thoughts from a gay college student
2002-05-27 11:58:50 (UTC)

fag

I am such a fag. Really I am pretty straight in my
mannerisms, whatever that means. Well the reason for my
first statement is that I actually laid out running shorts,
underwear and a shirt for a morning run tomorrow. Ok its
bad enough that I got them out the night before, but the
fact I had to get a diferent pair of shorts out, because
the first pair didn't match the shirt is something that
makes me a true fag.

I'd like to visit the "straight acting" thing for a
minute. Is this necessary? Masculine will do just fine,
without having to define yourself as a "kinda fag". Look I
am not campy, its just not my style, and not what I am
sexually attracted to, but god bless them. Those guys are
out there having a good time and they really don't give a
fuck if the "straight acting" gays don't like it. How many
gay guys "act straight" because they are scared shitless to
say I am gay and proud. I am not waiving the rainbow flag
or anything, but if someone asked me I would be honest,
that is where I at this point in my life.

I went to the pub this afternoon with the guy that I like.
I get the feeling that he would like to say something to
me, but I am not sure if its just me or not. We mostly
talk about the classes we are taking etc and sometimes
about our families. I just don't know what to think about
this one.

Another thing about being gay, there is so much more
pressure on gay guys to be in shape than straight guys.
Lots of my friends have girlfriends who are good looking,
and exercise and shit, while they drink beer. Most of them
are not fat, but they have a beer belly. I noticed in the
last week or two that I have a little extra weight in my
mid section, so its back to the running. I stopped when I
was busy with classes. I know that this is a self imposed
image thing. I am not sick to the point of eating
disorders (except that I probably like eating too much).
But be honest, if you are gay, 21 years old, you at least
in part judge other gay guys by there looks.

And body hair! God would I like to have less of it. Have
you ever tried shaving? Well for me it always end in
ingrown hairs and red bumps. I am now swearing off
shaving. I was just trying to remove the hair around my
belly button, and a bit on my ass, its just not working. I
have shaved almost all of my body hair for swimming before,
but because the leg hair itches so much when it grows back
I don't think I noticed the ingrown hairs as much. I
really like the feel of a smooth body. I prefer at least
my chest, stomach, butt and back be hair free. Maybe when
I join the working world I'll have some of it removed, or
just even waxed maybe. In the mean time I am going to
invest in a new pair of clippers to keep it trimmed. I
mean its not really that bad, just like I am really not fat
(6'2" 170 pounds) but there is always room for
improvement.

Ok you probably think that I am psycho now so I'll stop.

One more thing, I have been listening to Joni Mitchell
excessively lately, what an amazing voice. Folk music
really speaks to me. James Taylor and Bob Dylan are some
of m other favorites.

Cheers




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