Crazy in Blue

Singing In the Rain or A downpouring
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2002-05-27 01:00:54 (UTC)

If I Had You Back, I wouldn't Complain At All . . .

SO SAD BUT TRUE. HOW IS LIFE FOR ME, WELL LETS SEE . . .
I
HAVE DECIDED THAT I AM TIRED OF BEING PLAYED, AND HAVE
STARTED PLAYING THE GAME. IT'S FUNNY TO BE THE ONE THAS
GETTING THE CALLS, INSTEAD OF MAKING THEM. IT'S REALLY
INTERESTING THE HAVE SOMEONE LEAVE THIER WHOLE ITINERARY
ON
MY VOICE MAIL FOR A CHANGE. FUNNY THING IS, IF HE WANTED
ME, HE COULD HAVE ME. BUT HE WANTS TO PLAY GAMES, SO WHY
SHOULD I STOP HIM.

WHY WOULDN'T I COMPLAIN . . . THE ONE MAN THAT I LOVE IS
TOTTALLY WITHOUT LOVE FOR ME. NOT THE KIND OF LOVE THAT
WE USED TO HAVE. I HAVE BEEN MOVED DOWN TO FRIEND STATUS,
RATHER QUICKLY. I TRY MY HARDEST NOT TO BE HURT EVERYTIME
HE DOESN'T CALL, AND EVERY TIME HE GETS OFF THE PHONE WITH
ME TO CALL "WIFEY", I TRY NOT TO HATE HER WITH EVERY FIBER
OF MY BEING, (WHICH IS RATHER HARD TO DO SINCE I CONSIDER
HER TO BE SOMEONE THAT IS DUMB ENOUGH NOT TO KNOW WHAT SHE
HAS) HE DOESN'T EVEN LOVE HER. EVERY NIGHT, HE COMPLAINS
TO ME ABOUT HOW IT'S NEVER GOING TO WORK, BECAUSE HE IS
LOOKING FOR WHAT WE HAD, AND HE'S NOT GOING TO FIND IT IN
HER. (DON'T I SOUND LIKE THE BITTER BITCH. LIKE WE BROKE
UP CUZ HE LEFT ME, AND IM DELUDING MYSELF. THAS SOOOOOO
NOT TRUE. I KNOW THAT HE IS GOING TO REALIZE THAT WHAT WE
HAD WAS GOOD, IM JUST WAITING ON HIM. I MIGHT BE WRONG
THOUGH. I WOULD HATE FOR THAT TO BE THE CASE, BUT I COULD
REALLY BE WRONG. MAYBE I REALLY AM HOLDING ON TO THE
PAST, AND I NEED TO LET GO. . . . OH WELL, BACK TO MY
DELUSIONS)

WHY DOESN'T HE LISTEN TO HIMSELF, AND COME TO ME. BECAUSE
HE IS A MAN, AND HE IS TOTTALY AFRAID OF WHAT WE HAVE. IT
SCARED THE FUCK OUTTA ME TOO. BUT I REALIZED THAT GOD DID
IT FOR A REASON, WHEN I WASN'T READY, HE WAS. WHEN I AM
READY, HE ISN'T. THERE WILL COME A TIME THAT HE IS READY
AS WELL AS ME, AND THEN LIFE WILL MAKE SENSE.

I AM ABOUT TO ENDEAVOR ON THE BIGGEST JOURNEY OF MY LIFE,
THE FIRST PHYSICAL CHALLANGE THAT I HAVE EVER HAD TO
ENDURE, I WONDER IF I CAN DO IT. I WONDER IF I REALLY
WANT TO DO IT. SOMETIMES I THINK THAT I DO, THAT I AM
DOING IT FOR THE GREATER GOOD, AND THEN I REALLY THINK IM
A GREAT PERSON. BUT THEN THE REAL WORLD KICKS IN, AND I
REALIZE THAT I AM NOT DOING THIS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
IM DOING IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE, AND TO GAIN THE RESPECT OF
PEOPLE THAT I DON'T REALLY CARE FOR. I KNOW THAT I NEED
TO PRAY ABOUT IT, BECAUSE IF IM NOT DOING IT FOR THE RIGHT
REASONS, THEN IM NOT GOING TO FINISH IT. I DON'T WANT TO
LOOK BACK AT THIS, AND BE MAD AS FUCK, CUZ I WASTED A
WHOLE SUMMER. BUT WHATEVA HAPPENS, TRUST THAT I SHALL BE
WRITING. SO ONCE AGAIN TO THE 3 PEOPLE THAT READ THIS

UNTIL EVILNESS AND ANGER LURK AGAIN,

CRAZY IN BLUE AKA NO MORE DRAMA


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