gabby

cosmic ski slopes
2001-06-12 03:31:59 (UTC)

The Worst- pars secundi

Other than being lonely, the only other thing that's as
bad... that can take the title of "The Worst Ever": un-
returned love. It's happened to everyone at least once in
their lifetime, whether they be four or forty or ninety-
four... it doesn't matter. To me, it's happened once, that
would be B. I loved him with more than I ever thought
possible, I was willing to give him my world. What happened
when I was ready to though is that just before he grapsed
it, he let go, and before I could catch it, it crashed down
and I still hurt everytime I see him and everytime he hugs
me and everytime he kisses my forehead... I die every
single time. And now I fear I'm going through it again,
though from a much different angle. I am falling in love
with Nick. There is no question abotu how intensly I feel
for him right now, even a week and a hlaf after last seein
ghim. And he says he feels the same. But he doesn't seem
to. It feels like he's just saygin that, like it' ssome wel
planned scheme to make hmi look better in the long-run...
like everythgin he does is just to make himself look
better.So he says these things to me and I belive him and
now I'm giving him my world but I thin kh'e sgonna crush it
again, just like Brian did, only he's not gonna be hnoest
abuot it. I always KNEW that B would hurt me, but with
Nick, I never know what's next and I'm sooo frightened by
that. I don't want to be hurt in this... I can't afford
that, not yet anyway. And then all my friends keep telling
me that I'm this amazing wonderful person and I just want
to shout to them to stay the hell away from me because I've
got issues and I'm just going to drag them all down with
me... but none of them listen. I wish they would just
realize. Well anyway... I'm talkin' to my friend Fuzz now.
He's cool... I guess he's had a crush on my for three years
or something like that, I dunno.. I'm kinda confused by the
entire situation (not much of a surprise right?)... Well, I
g2g... this is all a bit much for midnight...(plus my
apathetic mood is takin gover... i'm really not caring
about anythign right now, this is whe i'mmost dangerous...
us suicidal girls have nothign to lose... remember?)
I'll et u go, signing off
-vele


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