Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
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2002-05-26 19:46:08 (UTC)


Gah. Mom sends me emails about forgiveness she aims towards
father because she hasnt forgiven him, and wants him to
forgive her and send her fucking support.


She doesnt like people coming to our house because she
doesnt want to feed them, and I can see where shes coming
from, shes having trouble feeding us... but she gets mad at
me because I dont eat. Want to know why I dont eat? Because
I think Im not allowed... and I hate hearing you yell at
ashley because she and Jessica eat so much...

So Dad sends me these wonderful emails. First one, Ill
decode later, because right now, I just want to burst into

For all your knowledge....
For all of your understanding....
For all of your insight........
For all of your thoughfulness......
..........are you?

since you have knowledge...
then answer this, what is wisdom?

since you have understanding...
then answer this, what is fear?

since you have insight...
then answer this, who cries in the street?

since you have thoughtfulness...
then answer this, what is true love?

For I say to you...teacher me teacher of teachers....
oh "Daughter of Solomon" teach me.......................

you have the gift of wisdom, are you wise?

Have you walked a mile in my shoes? Do you know
how many holes are in my shoes soles? Have you worn
the chains about my neck? Do you know their weight,
the number of links in each? Do you carry the scars
on my back, have you felt them bleed? Have you felt the
blade that has pierced my side...sunk deep to the heart?
Have you cried my tears, counted each of my tears of fears?
You have the gift of wisdom, are you wise?

Come Daughter of Solomon..I'll be your huckle berry.
Come, let us dance this dance, lets dance in the moon light.
Lets dance til sunrise, til the sun blazes over head,
till the sun is darkened, and the moon turned blood red.

Lets dance till the warriors all fall by the sword of their
Lets dance till the Princesses of the kingdoms prove they
are yellow.
Lets dance till the throne of the kingdoms is overthrown
Lets dance till those who are left cry, moan and groan.

Lets dance till the waters, the rivers all turn to blood.
Lets dance till the plagues come upon them as in a flood.
Lets dance till my blood runs red on the cities stone.
Lets dance till the world dances as I moan and groan.

Lets dance till the party of my death is thrown.
Lets dance till the earth qaukes, till the city falls down.
Lets dance till the voice is heard from he who wears the

Come Daughter of Solomon..I'll be your huckle berry.
Lets dance !!

I love you daughter of mine...truely I do...but I question
do you love me?
I love you daughter mine...truely I do...and it is good
that you
don't choose sides...but I question you..have you chosen?

I love you daughter of mine...truely I do...I love you no
matter matter the pain hurt and sorrow...I love

Wisdom is knowing better than to do what you do, and to
learn from other peoples mistakes.

Fear is incompetence, weakness, and knowing youre not good
enough to do what you have to do.

Insight- I see them all cry on the street, and my heart
bleeds for each and every one of the people who dont
deserve it, cuz guess what asshole, youre family is next.

True love, true love is matt. True love is knowing you have
someone to be with forever... something pure and sacred...
someone you understand more than you understand yourself,
someone who listens, forgives, and is your other half.

I do not claim to be wise, i do not claim to know true
fear, or insight, but I have love. Quite frankly, love is
bull shit.

Love is when your too god damned dumb to realize someone is
hurting you and you love them anyways. Thats my bain, the
people that have the power to hurt me the most are the ones
I really love. Guess what father, youre part of that bain.

Wonderful email number 2.

Good morning Tricia,
Ya know I am thinking ..Ashley's Birthday is Monday
and come then it will have been one (1) full year since I
saw you last..........and this man is getting pissed off !

Ya know come Monday it will be one full year since you
acted towards me like you cared.

Ya know come Monday it will be one full year since you
actually wanted to talk and laugh with me.

Ya know come Monday it will be one full year of your artic
figid cold shoulder.

Ya know come Monday it will be one full year of your
"I don't want to talk to you, just send your money."

its all you seem to care about

Ya know what daughter of mine....all you and your Mother
care about is money. Oh you both try to act like it is
something else that is going it is someone else's
problem or fault,

like its them doing it to you..........but the TRUTH
is....ITS YOU !! and all you two want is money.

WELL... Daughter of I mine..I will start praying....
I will pray till the mountains fall into the sea...
I will pray for you two to have your precious money.....
I will pray for you both to be filled to overflowing.....
till your cups flow forth and oooze money everywhere...

As when the children of Israel were wandering in the
being fed manna from heaven....that was not good enough
for them ohhhh no! They wanted meat so the Lord gave it to

As the Lord fed them meat so I will fed you and pray for
I will pray you are fed money ..till you both choke on
it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh the enemy is crafty, he is slick indeed.
He is the father of all lies, the Lord of pride & greed.
Oh yes he will be there in your time of need.
To break you in two, like a dried, dead, reed.
I am sorry I don't have what it takes to fill your greed.
I am sorry I don't have the money you both want, your need.
I am sorry you don't want what I do have for your need.
I am sorry you don't want me to help you stay a green
subtle reed.

I love you Tricia...I love you be your "huckle

You see Tricia, money doesn't mean much to me...
its nothing more to me than a necessity in life and as that
not a very big necessity. If it was I would work at being a
But I tell you the truth..there are better riches to seek.

kisses and hugs


Okay, DAD, sit there and cut me down, then tell me how much
you love me. Ha. If money doesnt matter to you, then why
did you send this email to mom?

Wonderful email 3.

by the tell me ..I have all this help and that my
wife should pay my child support...and that you have no one
to help you!!

Yet Lisa ( your daughter ) who is worth what 3 - 10 million
now? and who has been paying your lawyers fee's, flying you
and the girls all

back and forth to Ny etc etc...and helping you out... but
thats not help? She's doesn't count as help.. YOUR OWN
Daughter! ummmm... what?

Your Father who is worth millions, who lives just a couple
of hours away and who I know is helping you out in many
ways... thats your FATHER..and he doesn't count?.....
ummmmm what?

So lets see you have Family..that has millions of dollars.
that are helping you! BUT they don't count.....their
contributions to help don't in anyway count to you.

However my wife..who makes 15 thousand a year and has 3
kids to care for is suppose to send you her money cause I'm
having financial difficulties

because its just too much for you to understand my
situation? And YOU think thats right?......

so lets figure this one out..

$ 1,000,000.00 / 12 months / 30 days per month = $2,777.00
per day

$2,777 * 7 days = $19,439.00

so either one of YOUR family members in 7 days makes more
than my wife in

a full year.....her yearly income is pocket change to them
but you expect

me to take HER money and make HER kids STARVE!


You tell me I haven't paid since April, that I am a scum
bag and haven't paid in forever and a day....I said I
started work in the beginning of May but the company held
back and wouldn't pay

me until the end of May...... and you make it sound like
that is forever..and that I am months and months
behind..what? lets see....

Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, Apr to May is 1 month...oh me
oh my..once

i pay next week how far behind am i?...hummm ...i'm not!

So lets see.... Jan I am in debt to you for..and only
because the state of Florida couldn't get its act

February and March you are paid in full for, April I am
half a month behind on and May will be paid in full in 7 hummm come June 30th that means that...

January will be 1/2 paid for ( agian!!! )

Feb paid in full

Mar paid in full

Aprl paid in full

May paid in full

June paid in full

and all of it is documented by the circuit court!

so whats your complaint? whats your law suit about?

I hope your lawyer and you do get me arrested...cause the
law suit i file will make national news and i will be one
rich dude...

and paying you will be pocket change to go for it!
and I thank you Florida!! YEEEHAWWW!

Dont care about money, eh Dad?

My reply:

You know what, you seem to know so much, dont you? You
think I give one care about your damned money?? Thats what
this whole divorce is about, it always has been, the God
damned money, and trusts me, He does damn it, or we wouldnt
all be in the situations were in now. Dont you see??? Hes
trying to show its not about the money!! Once you and mom
stop acting like immature teenagers and agree to disagree,
come talk to me. Until then, Im not going to be another
pawn in your games. You know I love you Dad, you know it.
You think this is easy for me? Its not. But Im not going to
lay on the guilt, Im not going to play your games, or
mothers games. Im just going to cling on to the little
sanity I have left, and try and live my life.


Trust me, the sanity I have is little, and its fleeting.

I pray every day that God would strike me dead.

Matt- where the hell are you???

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