~spanish~eyes~

dec.30,2000 well these past..

dec.30,2000

well these past few days i mean alot has happened. me and
a.j ......i dont know i mean it's like i got up the guts to
tell him how i felt about him you know i mean how i truly
felt.i guess in a way he was shocked cause you know i truly
love him. i really do i mean this isnt so called puppy love
or anything i mean i do "love" him. and i have ahd so many
things going on in my mind right now . i am so confuesed
cause i dontknow what to do. for once in my life i am stuck
and i dontknow if anyone can get me out.or even if it's
possible. i mean anne even confornted me today asking me
about it . and ic ouldnt like to er i had to tell her the
truth. and then she even told me that she asked a.j about
his feelings for me. you know she didnt tell me what he
said even though me and him already had this
conversation.she isnt telling me everything on what she
thinks . i mean when i told her that i did love him she
said she was shocked. she didnt really expect form me i
guess i dontk now i guess i need to sit and talk with her.
i dont know yet cause man i cant even get my self . my
thoughts are running wild and my feelings are confused as
well as my heart.i mean i could just sit here and do
nothing but you know i hate it when i cant do anything
about what is happening . it's like i am used to being able
to controling my life you know but now my life out or
control. and i feel alone and scared, i mean i even sat up
last night asking God all these questions but yet i get no
answer. i mean thats all i really want is to know why this
is happening and why this is what it is. i guess i could
look at the bright side of things but you know what....how
can i do that if i cant find one. i dont know what to
do....well i better go i am talking to a.j so i will see
what happens...........................ok well i am back. i had to
take a time out with my self. ask myself some more questions and
still no answer but i dont know these past days all i have been
getting is silence. and i feel alone.scared. not to sure what to do