Just a guy

Logic of the Insane
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2002-05-26 05:46:25 (UTC)

The day closes.

The event has come and gone. . .it wasn’t quite as bad as I
had expected. He did get a little flirty with her a couple
of times, but not to bad. He is a really big jerk. . .he is
mean-spirited, and I no longer think that he is better than
me, except in physical condition. He was really mean to
this girl named Amber who was there, and he just. . .he’s a
jerk. I got there like half an hour or so late. . .they
weren’t there at the Holiday Inn. . .so I walked around
searching for them for almost an hour before I spotted
Jackie. It was kind of fun. . .not really at first, though.
They were all playing frisbee when I got there, and then
Shelly and Bethany went along the beach looking for
shells. . .he he, Shelly was looking for shells. I am
stupid. Anyway. . .I went with Karen, Peter, Jackie and
Brandon walking down to the end of the pier. Megan and
Amber went looking for guys. Almost everything that Brandon
said was either about himself or putting someone else down.
Maybe I just wanted to hate him. . .or maybe not.
Shelly was amazing! She was so beautiful. . .and so
cheerful. Every time she laughed, I felt 10x better. It is
hard to explain. . .you wouldn’t really get it unless you
have loved someone. She was smiling almost all of the time,
and even when she wasn’t, she is beautiful. I felt like
trying again, but I strained every bit of self control that
I had. . .we were sitting in the car and I wanted to just
reach over and take her hand and stretch my arm around her.
But I thought that she might think it weird. There were
times when I just wanted to stare at her, but I kept
turning away before she saw me. Aghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I
wish I could be more confident, like those actors in the
movies. . .they always have the right thing to say, and
they never seem to take a step backward by doing something.
I love her so much. . .
I don’t know what else she might be afraid of other
than the very things that I am afraid of. . .but I just
wish that she could throw her fears to the wind. I would’ve
been so happy if I could have just held her hand tonight. I
already miss her. I miss what she does to me. . .how, just
by being there, she makes all the bad in my life go
away. . .even after everything. Her sister, Jackie, is
sooooooooo funny and creative. I wish that I could display
my inner child still. . .I guess I did a little bit
today. . .I got bored at the beach, so I started digging a
hole. It was fun, but really immature. . .I wish that I
hadn’t have done it. I bet it looked stupid. . .but I
needed something to do. Shelly is cool. . .I am sure it
didn’t affect her opinion of me. . .at least I hope not.
Well. . .I am going to go. . .I have a long day
ahead of me. Good(day, afternoon, night) to all of you
readers. Till next time.

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