Casey

My life
2002-05-25 17:18:01 (UTC)

Why Brant? Why Not Jason? Why do i ALWAYS cry?

hey..well a lot has happened since the last time i
wrote..Schools over and i passed ALL my exams! thank god!
im a sophmore now!!! neways, i dotn know whats going on w/
me and brant..pretty much nothing. i mean he has been
coming over all the time saying im his best friend blah
blah blah the same shit he always does, but he never holds
up to what he says and i went to the all night sk8te last
night and i hated him i probably said fuck brant like
100000 times, seriously, he pisses me off. and at like 4:00
we finally talked about it...actually we didnt but lately
whenever he leaves my house he always gives me like the
peck kiss thing and i never see him do it to neone
else...and like we were skating 2gether and the lights were
on and when me n brant are together EVERYONE is paying
attention.. bc its me n brant.....well he was holding my
hands and we were joking around and i was skating backwards
and i was like brant come here right here and i pointed
right in front of me and he got right in my face and then
he kissed me like one of those peck ones...ya there was no
tougne but still ppl freaked out..and he is suppose to come
over 2day but i dont know when!! i luv him so much! its
getting really hard to handle it.i want to tell him and my
profile says that if iw ant things to happen w/ my
signifcant other (pretty much brant) then i have to say
something...i mean he told me last night that there is
nothing wrong w/ me that he wants to like me that he wishes
he did and all this bs!!i dont knwo, i mean last night
marissa asked out chirs shiery who has been in love w/ her
longer than ive loved brant!! and HE SAID NO!! i dont get
it and chris says that i would be to hard on him when they
broke up!! but i was so jealous bc i always thought that i
would get brant before chris got marissa... and like brant
was talking to marissa aobut it and he got up and i just
started crying, i couldn't stop crying, i wanted to be w/
brant so bad...actually i want to be w/ brant so much. i
couldnt take holding it in nemore, and jamie baldeson
waslike Omg are you ok? and wouldnt leave and that made me
cry even harder!! and brant comes up to marissa who was
sitting right next to me and he saw me and the lil bastured
didnt even say nething@ jason shenck came up to me adn he
was like baby grl wats wrong like a freaking retard..then i
felt better a few hours later and i was sitting w/ jason
and he was all telling me how that brants stupid, and that
im fucking hott and he cant wait to see me when i get older
bc im going to be even hotter and he asked me out..not for
right now, for later, he was like "will you go out w/ me?"
and i kinda looked @ him and i didnt know what to say and i
was like "haha jason" and he was like "not right now but
when your 16 will you go out w/ me" and i said ya bc i mean
ya marissa loves him now but not in a year...he says that
we have to hook up and he wants to do all this stuff w/ me
and that i would be the hottest and best grl he would hook
up w/..and i was just sitting there wishing and wanting to
know why brant couldnt say it! i mean most guys like me,
not trying tobe conceited... theres this song called four
seasons of lonelieness and there is this part and its
like "EVERYTIME I GET THE COURAGE UP TO LOVE SOMEBODY NEW
IT ALWAYS FALLS APART BC THEY JUST DONT COMPARE TO YOU" and
thats how i feel....i mean ill want to be w/ someone other
than brant and somehow i just cant..i start to be w/ them
and i jsut cant bc there is somehting wrong w/
them...theres nothings wrong w/ brant in my eyes.. i dont
know..its all really hard to deal w/ sometimes. and i spent
the whole all ngiht w/ danny, who likes me but me n him
were like BFFs and i alwaysed talked to him about brant and
i asked him that if i takled about brant woul dhe get mad
and he told me that he likes me so much that if talking
about brant makes me happy then he is happy..i was like aww
i love u danny..and i told him everything, things ive never
told neone, about how like im not even happy nemore, that
im so depressed and i jsut want to die bc brant dosent love
me, or like me, and all this stuff and i told him that the
onlyr eason why i was going to move to my brothers was bc
brant..and he was like "does he have that much control over
ur life" and i was like "yaH" brant has the most control
over my life than neone, he is my life, i luv him w/
everything i have....and danny just looked at brant w/ this
look and he ws like u need to tell him this stuff and i
wasl ike ya i know but i freeze up when i go to say it and
i started crying. I ALWAYS CRY NOW i want to talk to brant
so bad, and tlel him that if he gave me a chance than he
would love me, i know it. he told alex that he wants a
girlfriend that he can relate to and he is close w/ and he
can love, and that could be me!!! right?? i dont know, i
better go, im tired! luv ya
case




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