camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-05-25 11:55:37 (UTC)

angel

sad. is it because it's nighttime? is it because i'm
listening to 'angel' again? i am at a loss of how i feel.

'you're my angel
come and save me tonight
you're my angel
come and make it all right...'

the song stirs a whole bunch of emotions in me. i feel sad
and happy. resigned and accomplished. i did quite a bit of
studying today, and i got the keys to my new apartment.

life is going pretty nicely for me...but somehow, i'm
tired.

shall i take a walk outside my mind? steve tyler asked her
to do it, and to answer how it feels to be the one who
turns the knife inside of him. knives. they scare me and
hypnotize me. i get goosebumps each time i hold one. i feel
a rush of power whenever i grasp one in my hand.

black and red. why on earth was i so stupid? kids. we do
things we regret in the end. i suppose it's a part of life,
but still depressing to think about.

'tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
without thinking that you lost everything
that was good in your life to the toss of a dice?'

i'm not depressed. just thinking once again. it's so
addictive. i hardly find anything addictive...music is
addictive. they pierce me right through.

sometimes i do think about how things change so quickly.
how you gain everything and lose everything within a blink
of an eye. it's overwhelming but it's something that we
hardly stop and think about. life changes just like that.
we change lives just like that.

( ( ( ) ) )

a friend was taken aback when i told her that i found
cemeteries beautiful during the day, especially when you
look at it from a high place. my other friend agreed with
me. she found cemeteries beautiful too. 'rock garden,' she
said. cemeteries are rock gardens.

they're beautiful because they're peaceful and eerie at the
same time. bodies lie beneath the ground. they are at peace
but nobody wants to be like them. strange isn't it...when
you realize that all we ever want is peace.

goosebumps. my peace of mind, heart, soul and spirit.
death...so tragic and yet so relieving.

staring off into space. i don't know how many minutes have
passed since i typed the last line. it was another cold day
today.

almost everything is a contradiction. an oxymoron. an
equivocation. all these big words and small minds. people
hide behind big words to cover up their ignorance. silly.

they are bags of doritos. they look big simply because
they're filled with air.

( ( ( ) ) )

'dude looks like a lady.'

contradiction. our version of reality is how we interpret
what we believe is real. but reality may be not what we
think is real. it could be something completely different.

i have been sitting here for more than an hour. i close my
eyes and fly away to oblivion. ignorance is bliss sometimes.

'i'm alone
yeah i don't know if i can face the night
i'm in tears and the crying that i do is for you...'

happy. it's nighttime. i just listened to 'angel' again.




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