with_no_u

6.11.01

I am so totally torn. I alow my self to over and over
again fall in love with people that for whatever reason I
will never be with. I love gerge with everything i have in
my heart right now. He is so wrong for me and because of
him I stand to lose everything. But i almost dont care.
At night all i think about is what his arms would feel like
around me. I wonder if he would kiss me on the forehead
when I am sad. I miss him so much. I think about him 24
hours a day. I wish i didnt its all in vein. We will
never be together, its not possible. In some alternate
universe then one day. But not here not ever. But he is
all I want. Noone is to me what he is. No one toches
him. He says he met a girl. A girl. She likes horror
movies like he does...so do I. But of course she has the
reatest advantage over me. She lives there with him, and I
am stuck here. It doesnt matter how perfect we could be
together because she is there and I am here. That
automatically makes her perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are some ones best friend that means you have
similiar interests and likes. That does not mean you have
identical thoughts. I am so mad that she would presume to
tell me who i can and can not be friends with. I need her
like i need no one else right now but she is just going to
make me sick everytime i look at her. She had him and she
let him go. How can I feel sorry for that. If it were me
i woul dhave never let him leave. I dont want to hurt her
cause i love her but i am hurting now and i cant tell
anyone. Noone would understand. I am just stuck........I
am forced to keep quiet. Who do you tell when you cant
tell your best friend? I am so aggravated right now. When
is something going to go right for me? When am I going to
met the guy I want to be with who will love me......? I am
destined to be alone.......I can feel it.