Ohmmy

Oh,The Insanity
2002-05-25 06:32:59 (UTC)

Senior Trip

Today was our Senior Class Trip. We went to Canada's
Wonderland and it was really fun. I rode the carousel cuz
that's the only ride I EVER ride...I don't do well, motion
sickness. I slept a bit on the bus, but I'm still mad
tired. I see, now, why Adam says Canada is a great place;
it's beautiful.
When we got there, I left my wallet (with my money) on the
bus...so Vicki and I walked back to the bus and got it then
we went in and walked around for a bit. I was going to make
a wish in the fountain, but decided against it due to
previous (disfunctional) wishes -that have not and probably
will not come true- at the mall. On the busride home, I
shared this wish with Vicki...and it was "I wish Adam could
see me." I think if I were forced to wish for something,
maybe at a later date, I'd wish that I were all that he
wanted. But we're not going to talk about THAT right now.
I bought a hoodie that says CANADA on it and a necklace.
It's like the one Bobbi and Howard gave me. Vicki, Chrissy
and I all hung out together and they didn't kill eachother.
yay! It was A LOT of fun and I encourage anyone who has
the opportunity to go.
On the way home, it occured to me that I'll graduate in
less that 1 month and I'm so fucken scared that it's not
even funny. Before Spring Fling, I at least knew that Adam
would be around me and would be there to catch me when I
start to fall, but I think he's not only found someone new
to love, but he's found a new friend. Ah well, why did I
think he was different? It's always the ones who say
they're different who are the ones who end up being the
same. I don't know how to fix it now. I know I pissed him
off, I don't know whether it was me "ignoring" him or me
talking about how grotesquely fat I am and how when I get
thin, all the guys will be like "oo, look at that sexy
chick." Someone suggested that he may not be pissed, but
jealous...I don't think Adam gets jealous, he always
critisized me when I was jealous of Jenn or Corinne or
anyone else. I don't really know what I feel right now.
Half of me wants to say "adam, fuck you cuz I'm sick of
crying and you don't care anymore anyway" and the other
half still wants for him to come up to me and say "I still
love you and you're all I want and need." But come on, how
realistic is THAT? I mean, either of them is far from
reality. I can't possibly hate him and he's moved on, he
doesn't love me anymore...god, that hurts.
The end
em




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