SuicidalFish

I'm A Pez Kid.
2002-05-25 05:13:41 (UTC)

I am. Am I?

Insanity.
What is it?
I don't understand.
My mind is in a weird place.
I can't explain it.
I think I'm in a trance.
I can think of what to write down but I can't think of what
I'm thinking of.
My brain is off somewhere.
And I'm not sure where.
I.. I.
I feel safe on the computer
I don't want to go lie in my bed.
I'm afraid that IT will overcome me.
With whatever it is I'm feeling now I can't deal with IT.
I'm so confused.
I need to talk to someone.
I wanted to send someone my Silent Type poem but I didn't
know who I could send it to.
I don't want my friends reading my poetry.
Or whatever it is you want to call it.
My first Mister is my new fav movie.
I think I'm coming out of whatever I was in.
I don't feel sick.
I still feel liek a robot bein controlled by some over
obssesed computer nerd. Who's controlling my brain.
Chad.
Sean.
Ian.
Computer Nerds. Over obsessed as well.
Chad and his damned game.
I need the computer for homework, Caitlin.
But really I'm using it to play yhat annoying game that my
life revolves around and I'm nto going to tell you that
because once you get off the computer it's all mine.
Wanna know why?
You know why.
Because I'm bigger than you and I'm older than you.
And I'm and arrogant asshole and I think I can tell you
what to do.
I expect that when I say jump you say How High?
But you.
Me.
Me.
Me.
I don't understand me.
I want to talk to someone who does understand me.
How would I find someone like that?
I'm feelign sick again.
I don't know what to do.
My eyes are dropping.
I can't sleep.
i can't.
I don't know how.
Yes I do.
I'm...
afraid.
I don't want to lie down and close my eyes.
Because then I can't controll my mind I can't get somethign
out of my mind by thinking of something else.
It won't leave if I want it to.
It stays there until I wake up gasping for air.
Sick.
Puke sick.
rushing to the bathroom but not being able to hurl.
Not knowing what to do.
Going back to bed Cold but sweating.
Cold enough for the blanket but also too hot for it.
I'm.... lost of something.




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