sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2001-06-11 15:59:11 (UTC)

i feel weird.

so i feel weird this morning.
really weird.
like a bad weird.
but it kinda feels comforting. i guess thats cuz i used to
feel like this all the time. but i guess maybe i liked it
better before. i mean yesturday and recently i have been
getting crazy amounts of sad. but like, i dont know if last
night made it better or not. because like...
i did something that i dont beleive in.
you know.
and i had sex with my bestfriend. and thats not a "bad"
thing. im just worried about him feeling weird about it.
and that bothers me. because. he means so much to me. and
hes the only one that understands shit...and like, if i
didnt have him i would go crazy. you know. he keeps me from
feeling insane. and i love him. so much.
but i guess i just have to wait and see how things go. i
mean its not like weve never had sex...its just that we
havent in like awhile. and sex seems to mean a lot more to
him than it does to me anymore. hes so cute. i am so in
love with that boy =) too bad it doesnt work...and too bad
hes going to decide he like hates me now or something. i
dont know why i think he will, but i do. oh well. i guess
you know, thats why i dont let myself get attached to
people. i could feel myself recently getting attached to
him...i guess its enevitable that when i do with someone.
something will fuck it up. you know. cuz thats what fucking
happens. all the fucking time. you know. like the people
that are like, oh. that will never happen with us ashley. i
so understand you. blahblah. yeah, he just signed on and
then signed off without saying anything to me. oh well.
god. i think im going to cry...my feelings for him are
confusing sometimes. but, i dont feel the need to make
sense out of them.
oh well.
whatever
fucking everyone fucking leaves anyway
right.
you know.
fucking.
im sick of thinking that people are one way.
and then like, they all turn out to be the same.
so whatever.
im sad.




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