Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2002-05-24 08:31:44 (UTC)

goodness

I stayed at the art building late this afternoon so I
could scan the last two sets of slides I have. Before I
left there I hopped online and found Dave was on. He is
still away on bussiness.

I talked to him more when I got home. He was bummed about
something tonight. I was trying to think of something to
say to cheer him up, but all I came with was stupid crap.
stuff that was so cheery I was sure it wouldn't help.
I've been depressed too many times to count this year and
I know the things that I don't need to hear. Those were
the stupid things I was coming up with.

I told him I didn't know what to say because those were
the things I was coming up with. He said thank you. That
surprised me and I didn't know what he was talking about.
When I asked what for he said for "being you" This was a
interesting comment. I wasn't sure how to take it.

We kept chatting for a bit. Later he said he was feeling
tired. I then realized it was just past midnight where he
is. I said something about him getting sleep. He said
he "loved" talking with me.

That is the big one I don't know how to take. He has
often said he'd like a girl about like me. I always joke
that if I could I'd clone myself for him. It's not like
he said he enjoyed talking to me...he had to say
he "loved" talking to me. I know i'm reading way too much
into this, but I just hope he isn't falling for me on some
level. I mean if I could feel things for him when I talk
to him online...what is he feeling? I just feel a great
connection to him online. I have yet to fully feel that
when we talk in person.

I hope he isn't creating some sort of feelings for me that
he shouldn't. Dispite all the things I have said about
him I am madly in love with my boyfriend. John is amazing
in many ways. I just feel so great around him.

I do admit it feels great to talk with Dave online, but
that is about it. He's got a great mind and he's damn
hot, but that's as far as it goes. yes, I have sort of
wondered what it would be like to spend more time with
him, but in a friend way. Nothing sexual about it at all.

He is beginning the move into his new place this weekend.
He gets home sometime around 5-6 or so on Saturday
evening. He didn't figure that John would want to help
him move. I think he's probably right. I would like to
help him out though. He has quickly become one of my
better friends. Not a best friend, but I guess he could
end up as one. I am not making any guesses at this point
in time.

Since he doesn't think John will want to help him move
into his new place it looks like I won't see him this
weekend. That saddened me a bit to hear that. I was
looking forward to seeing him since it has been a couple
weeks. I hope he is still planning on coming over here a
week from Friday. It will be great to have him here to
meet my neighbor Cal's friend. I don't know if I
mentioned her or not. Clarion is an interesting girl. I
haven't talked to her much except the other night. That
was a fun, long night.

I hadn't planned on drinking tonight. It was simply going
to be a long night that I could handle. After Dave went
to bed I decided my coke was a little dull on it's own so
I added just a touch of rum.

It has been days since I had anything to drink. I was
going to have something the other night, but Dave said I
didn't need it and he truely was right. Tonight I simply
added a little bit, nothing much. I could almost taste a
tiny bit of it.

I have just finished the second small glass of that. I am
not feeling any sort of effects from it. I like the
feeling of being happy that it gives me when I drink more.

I am trying to save the rest of my bottle for next Friday
when Dave comes...if he is still planning on coming. I
haven't talked about it with him since he first mentioned
it. I really hope he is coming. I have thought about
that day quite a bit. He mentioned something about being
back by noon I think. I don't know if that means noon on
Saturday or that he's coming on Friday morning.

I hope he isn't coming on Friday morning, that would
suck. My parents are coming on Thursday night to bring me
some boxes. They can take back the boxes I fill next week.

Cal is off to go study math at a local restraunt with a
friend of hers. Our neighbor and I were speculating that
maybe she was going to mug guys leaving the bars at 2am.

I am having quite the time with this image. I don't know
if it's dave or john, but they don't seem to want to be
cut out. Oh well. I now only have three more images to
finish up by Saturday. I can do this and get them printed
out then!!!

I feel like the mother in American Beauty. I will sell
this house...I will cut them out!!!