Sweet sweet monotony
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2002-05-24 03:34:27 (UTC)

Four months later....

yeah so its been awhile. and im really sick of hitting the
shift button so everything is going to be in lowercase, i
hope no one minds. here are the things that have been
going through my mind as of recent....

many of my family members are in the hospital and or ill,
this is quite troubling to me. one of these family members
is my grandmother, with whom i am very close. shes
suffering from a variety of ailments, i just really hope
she gets better. but i know that that is selfish. i pray
every night that she is not suffering, but all the same, i
love her dearly and i dont want her to die.

another thing that has been on my mind is the boyfriend
situation..or in my case my signifcant lack thereof. the
whole going not going to prom thing really bummed me out.
and the thing is, i tried to get a date. i didnt just
kinda sit around and wait for things to happen. i did for
a while, but when they didnt i started to take action with
a fellow in one of my classes. he expressed that he
concured and would like to go to prom..but then at the last
minute one of his friends told me that he wasnt interested
anymore. as it turns out...its not that he didnt want to
go..he didnt want to go with me. he took another girl. i
havent been on a date since a week after my last diary
entry. i guess it just kinda bums me out to see my friends
E and M all happy with their fellows and then theres me.
why must i be so damn loveless. i know that im not
attractive, and that i dont have the most interesting
personality, but i think that there are uglyier girls with
more bland personalities than myself who get boyfriends.
and its not like im setting my standards to high...the only
really attractive boy i dated was j 2, and that only really
lasted a few weeks. im honestly willing to try anything
with a guy..if hes nice enough and i think that we would
have fun together..than why does it matter what they look
like. its terribly frustrating that the only time i can
find a boy who is interested me is when one or both of us
is under the influence.

finally the last big thing on my mind is school. i cant
freeking wait for it to be over...7 more days!!! graduation
is gonna be sad...but im looking forward to it. hopefully
it will fun afterward and i wont feel too awkward and
impeding upon M&J. i know that theyre both good people
though, and that they wont ditch me. at least i hope not.
i dont have very many friends.

now that my depressing rant is over..im going to go listen
to some cake. i really like that song love you madly. its
wonderus. check it out.
have a good night kiddies...