nin137

Nick's Journal
2002-05-24 02:47:38 (UTC)

Summer

Two weeks into my job. 2 and a half away from my
girlfriend, and a lot of summer left to go. so what does
nick think? what does nick feel?
first of all. i ask myself this. are the people i'm around
(working with) happy? i care about that cos i'm going to
be them. so i figure i might as well find out now if i
want to join the rank and file of the working community or
just pitch it all and take a career in the trash-
collecting business.
the hot summer sun just beats down upon my body. of
course i'm all dressed up for my job so the constricting
tie and collar don't help and the heat has about as much
chance of escaping from my body as these miserable souls
have of escaping their reality.
why do i think they want to escape? because they walk
aroudn looking miserable. ah well. i'm sure they're just
all pulling a hoax on my ass.
so we have a new intern at the law firm and he's UNDER me.
haha, yeah he's scum if he's under me. i mean he's a cool
guy......a little....make that very, slow. he came in and
promptly handed me his dignity in a glass jar when he hole
punched the original legal documents that i SPECIFICALLY
told him to put in an envelope. ain't my shit, it was
kinda funny to see his face.
my life revolves around files/documents/paper what ever
you want to call them. once in a while the number on a
piece of paper turns into a person and i shrink away from
them. i answer calls and cumbersomely try my best to
transfer them to their destinations. most of the time i
hang up on them (unintentially). but i dont know.
do i like this job? do i like work?
see this is what i think. i need a job that bases my
performance on quality. i dont' mind putting in long
hours as long as the end product is evaluated. most people
like the drudgery of 9-5 because that's it. as long as
the quantity of hours is fulfilled they are fine. but i
want to do something. i dont' want to file and i don't
want to serve. i want to create.......but who doesn't?
the girl at the bank is who really frightens me. she's 25
or something like that and i see her everyday to deposit
checks for the firm.
shes' so vacant and unenthusiastic it just hurts me. her
eyes are so like an abyss, deep but in the end you know
that there's nothing there at the bottom. no matter how
good a mood she's in or what we talk about there really is
nothing behind them. each day one layer unravels of the
hollow outer shell this job has wrapped her in but the
more she unravels.....the more i realize there won't be
anything beneath it. she leaves herself somewhere deep
inside of her or outside of her job.
she tells me how she can't wait for her vacation and i can
tell that mentally she's on vacation 24/7. i'm not saying
that eveyrone should be lucky enough to find a job they
love but atleast if you come to that state, why not change
yourself? i know it's hard....job market and all. but i
don't know. i guess i don't want to think of the dire
truth that maybe she's cornered herself in this profession
and therefore could only go downhill from here. who knows.
so there's a secretary that apparently is horribly
offended b y interns. she doesn't talk directly to either
one of us and i was joking that when she does come into
the smae room as us she wears a bio-hazard suit.
other than that i sit around. sometimes i see friends but
mostly i just hang around. i wait for next weekend where i
get to see juliann!!!!!! yay!!!! :-).
i am done now.