2001-06-11 06:40:32 (UTC)

Hey Sab.. Ok, so u know what..

Hey Sab..

Ok, so u know what really fucks me off? the fact that your
not online AGAIN. damn, its like, u fucking well tell me u
love me n shit and then just disapear. Where did u go? Im
sorta guessing u went to kingman, and you were supposed to
call me when u got there.. but you didnt. That was like
over a week ago, and I havent heard from you since.
Are you coming to Australia? Are you gonna be here for my
birthday? I like know that you wont, but when i talk to
you, all my sence of reality flys out of the woindow, and i
slip into a funny lil world where my dreams come true. Just
by talkingt o you, u make me belive everything u tell me.
You make me believe that you are coming here, u make me
balive u love me, god.. you really do drive me crazy *lol*
and when i tell u that.... u seem to want me to say "crazy
in love with you" but its not that. U drive me crazy with
frustration cuz i never know what the fuck is going on in
your mind. Like you know what you lie to me about, and
although i have suspicions, i dont know. thats what drives
me crazy.
And as much as my heart skips a beat ever time i hear it, i
hate hearing u say "i love you" cuz u say it too much, to
too many ppl Sab. In my perfect world we would be together,
but in r/l. Its like, Your the only person that understands
me.. but how many ppl do you make feel like that?
see, i sorta made this deal with myself, as much as i love
u still.. i never wanna tell u that, and the only time i
could let myself do thsat again would be if you were fully
dedicated to me.. not just say i love you, but say im in
love with you.. and actually show it.
Ah fuck.. i feel stupid even wroitting how i feel in here
*lol* I love u sab, i never stopped loving u, even when i
hated u, i still wanted u. but i guess its all fucked up
anyway, and its never gonna happen, no matter how much i
wish it would.

Love Niki