*~*Princess*~*

The Hell, This Is My Life!
2002-05-23 18:31:25 (UTC)

Tried droppin Mike today...just..

Tried droppin Mike today...just couldn't do it. I wonder
why you can just forget some people and not even care or
notice, but then it seems impossible to have some people
NOT in your life. I mean, even if they hurt you
emotionally...or even physically, you just can not walk
away from them. If you do, you feel empty, and you just go
back knowing that you'll more then likely get hurt again.
I guess somewhere, maybe in the back of my mind, i'm
thinking maybe he WILL change, maybe he won't cheat on me
this time, and maybe he'll start calling more often. I
feel lost. I feel unloved. I feel like guys just want me
because they know that I'll always be there for them when
they need me, and I'll be there when they need someone to
hold... someone to help them fight back the tears, or maybe
even be the one to help them not feel as bad when the tears
do fall from their eyes when they need to cry. I don't
know, maybe this time I really am in love...but with the
wrong guy. I just know that *I* need someone to hold right
now.

I talked to Corey again this morning online. He asked
about Mike and I... of course I didn't know what to tell
him. He knew... he knows exactley how I feel and knows how
to make me feel better. I wish I could still like him as
much as I did before. He makes me so happy... he makes me
laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me feel loved and
special... he even makes me cry. He doesn't know I cry. I
cry because I know deep down that I do love him, but I just
can't say it with meaning because I like Mike. I also
can't say it because I know he has lied to me... and I
can't stand that when someone that close to me lies right
to my face. On the other hand, he is so sweet to me. When
my friend told him that Mike and I hooked up, she said that
he sat there in shock for a minute, then he looked up at
her and said that if he hurts me in anyway, that he would
beat his ass... and I know he would, that's why I'm not
tellin him. Mike also said kinda the same thing before we
hooked up. He knew that Corey and I were talkin about
hookin up, and he wanted me, so he told Michelle that if we
hooked up and he saw Corey walkin on the street, he would
stop his car and beat HIS ass up... and I know he would do
it too. I hate it when guys fight over me. I feel like
I'm the one causing the problem, which technically is true,
but they don't have to fight.

Anyways, Corey was make~n me laugh this morning. I
haven't laughed that hard in a while. I don't remember how
the hell we got onto this subject, but i think it was
because he called me "baby tit" 'cause he said I had baby
tits'. So of course, being me, i called him
"baby dick". He said that he would prove to me tonight
that he was no "baby dick". I told him that his would be
classified as a choking hazard because it was so small, and
he said that the only way I would be choking on it is when
it was down my throat. I kinda cut the convo. at that
point and changed the subject. He's funny... he's not
always nasty like that.

I have to go buy "to kill a mockingbird" to read over the
summer. Next year when I get back to school, my english
teacher said that we would be having a test on it the first
week of school. fun fun fun!




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