Meshed Up
2002-05-23 10:30:27 (UTC)


maybe i shouldn't care too much. a dam broke
today...everything just came flooding out. not
everything..but almost.

metal. easily scratched but not easily broken.

went to the 35th floor of a hotel this afternoon and looked
out to marvel at the view. i moved real close to the
window, looked out...looked down...realized how tiny
everything was...and thought, 'i'll definitely die if i

got a mental picture of me free falling.

i've always wanted to skydive. to fly and feel the power of
the world as it comes rushing up to meet me.

someone said he would shoot me while i was skydiving so i
would die happy. someone suggested throwing a pointed
material at me but the assassin said he didn't want to do
that. if i was stabbed, i would be traumatized and i
wouldn't die happy. if i was shot in the head, there would
be no trauma and stress at all so i would probably still be
smiling when i splatter to bits. pretty nice assassin i

well..i wouldn't mind dying that way. at least i'm happy.
bad thing about that is i won't be able to feel the
exhilaration and my trembling legs when i finally reach the
ground if he kills me during my first dive. okay. nobody is
allowed to shoot me during my first dive.

gonna go shower first. my mind's a haze. i might write
again later when i come to my senses.