MikeHawk217

ohh_no_its_david
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2002-05-23 05:23:14 (UTC)

fuuuuuucccccckkkkkk

one week from today... one week from today i could have
been smoking with my friends in there living room either
making fun of each other or been watchin some movie when
about 7:30 pm all that came to a halt when 6 large men came
into there home kicked the door down and busted in with
shotguns that were fully loaded and ready to go off..... i
could have been beaten within of an inch of my life and
then clocked in the back of the head with the end of the
gun in the back of the head... this could have all happened
and i would have been in the hospital to this day if i went
but i desided to go over to my girlfriends house and smoke
this was a life saving event and it was also alot of fun.
yester day i went over to my friends to find that this
horific event happened.... i felt so bad and i realized
that this could have been me and it made me not only sad
for my friends but it made me angry the rage shot up and
down my spine untill it was hate for about 3 hours of my
life i hated those 6 black men more than anything in the
whole world enough to use the word "nigger" i was so when i
got onine with my girlfriend i used that word the single
biggest mistake i ever made. iwas pent up in a mood that
was explosive and and very dangerious in this situation.
her fist reacion was like i can't believe u used that word
then without a chance to explane my self she called me
ignorant. then she got off line. with out being able to
explane which i shouldn't have needed to cause i told her
everything how i was suppose to be there and every little
bit and how my friend was in the hospital and he has a
cracked skull... i saw her online again today and i asked
her if we can talk and she told me i was later for my clan
meeting then told me she never wanted to talk to me and
then told me she lost allrespect for me and said nothing
more she didn't care she made her mind up i tried to
appologize but it did no good it had its effect and it was
a harsh one my relationship was over the same one that
saved me a trip to the hospital was over.... what if i
would have went what would she have said if i said it then
would she kick me aside and tell me that i sould leave
early so i can take my wheelshair to the clan meeting that
is the kind of thing that would scar for life and that
would be pulling the scab of a wound that am still trying
to heal. one word can have such an affect on the world that
would cause once the best ting ever to total shit.... so
here i am again all mad and sad and feeling like the
biggest piece of shit ever butt i know i souldn't feel like
this i know in my heart that i can't hate some one for the
color of there skin.. i know that my heart can not hate for
too long and i know that i am going to miss 5 important
people of my life because after this insident my friends r
leaving san diego my boys who backed me up. they r leaving
and not comming back... and my girlfriend so i have one
thing to say to the bastards who did this i hope u get a
one way ticket to hell where u will have to live the
nightmare of being a helpless victom and not only that but
an abbused victom. i just wish god shows u no mercy !!


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