6445bekiM

you don't need to bother, i don't need to be

"bother" by corey taylor has become my new favorite song.
he's one of the numbers from slipknot, i don't know which,
but that song is sweet. i always say im gonna disappear for
a week, but i always say that im stronger than most,
mentally, spirtually, physically. a cliche as it may me,
and knowing it's a cliche is even more cliche. but a cliche
is a cliche because it's so true and fitting. so fuck you
and fuck the rest. anways, if i did disappear, that'd just
prove to me and anyone else that im not a as i appear. my
guess is, no one would notice unless i was gone for a
couple weeks. so i think that on my cali trip, im not gonna
tell anyone, just head out in my brothers car. but i want
someone to come, a friend. im not my brother though, i
can't just get up and go knowing ill be ok. he's just got a
way of meeting people, that i don't, i have a way of
knowing people, and becoming friends. we're different, but
i guess that's how we're brothers. im thinking, pack my
bags, tell my mom and matt, and travel the usa for 3 weeks.
no one else knows. will people worry? i guess it's kind of
morbid that i want them too. i just want to find out who
cares about me. i want to find out about myself. i never
understood what that means, because how can you not know
who you are? everyone knows themselves. i guess i want to
find what that means, finding yourself. i need a break from
some of the people i know. i need to find some of those i
used to know. maybe i just don't need to talk, that should
get people away from me, and off my back. i need to push
them away. why, why would i want to push so many friends a
loved ones from me? i can't stand to be loved.

mjb