Lost and Searching
2002-05-22 22:46:13 (UTC)

Here is What is Wrong With Me

Okay, sorry, that I didn't come out and tell anyone what I
am suffering from, cause it was kinda hard to take
myself...I have what is called Pulmonary Fibrosis whiched
caused an enlarged heart.... PF is like cystic fibrosis,
but it instead of being in the lungs it is closer to the
heart....This is a disease that there is no know cure, and
they are not sure why i have it, b/c it is also something
that occurs in older patients so they claim....There is a
chance that it might be genetic but its really
unknown.....Basically they think this all started when I
was in eigth grade, I was on the basketball team, and after
practice I walked outside and had an asthma attack, which
is something that I have never had before, after a rush to
the emergency room, the said that I had bronchitis, and was
put on an inhaler, which i only used once in my whole life
time....then my sophmore year of high school, i was at
school when all of a sudden my chest started to hurt like
crazy, like someone was putting pins into my heart...and i
couldn't another trip to the emergency room,
which nothing was ever found, so i was refferred to a
cardiologist, which he found that i had percarditis, and
plursey, the percarditis, is a lining around the heart sac,
and the plursey is a muscus lining around the
they gave me some antibotics, and told me to take it easy,
which wasn't easy because i did all the sports in high
school (volleyball, basketball, and track) so that meant i
got out of running, which didn't stop the problem
completely, but running wasn't the only time i would get
chest pains, just sitting down adn reading, iwould get
them...but as quickly as they came they went away....So
after high school i went to college and did sports there
but before they would release my physical i had to go to
another cardiologist to have some more test run to see if i
still had the percarditis and plusery...well the good news
was that i didn't but that is when they told me i had the
pulmonary fibrosis,and that i had had it for a couple of
years......unfortunately that wasn't all the bad news they
had for me, it seems that the PF had caused my heart to
grow enormous and become strained, kinda like a what a
heart would look like if i was on steriods, that i what
they told me....the ventricals, NS and AS ( i can never
keep the straight) were also under a lot of stress, and
were extremely enlarged...which means they were pumping not
enough blood in and out of my heart......

so there i was sitting in a dr. office, seven hours away
from my family and was just told that i had a disease that
was going to kill me, and by the way things looked just
about any time soon......So i did what any true person
would do, denied the whole thing...left the office, and
told the track coach that i was in perfect health...there
were a couple of times, i thought i wasn't going to make
it, but thanks to aspirin, Lot of aspirin, i got through it
alright...but the next year i got a full ride to a near by
college and that was when things got worse.....I started to
have pains all the time, and i was short of breath, not to
mention i was freaking tired all the time....

One night I was eating supper at my parents house and then
an attack came on, when i came to i was attached to so many
damn wires i thought i was being runned by
electricity.....I had known that i was parents
couldn't believe that i had kept this secret for so long
and didn't tell them....I told them if they knew, would
they treated me any different, and that they would be
dragging me to every supposed cure and such not, that i
would be gone crazy...........after a couple of hours they
finally came around...

What i didnt' expect to be told that i really didn't have
much time i thought i had put it out of mind
and forget about it...but no not now, now i am on millions
of pills, sometimes breathing treatments....and just about
anything you can imagine.....