enigmatic contemplation
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2001-06-10 23:30:42 (UTC)

good sunday

well this weekend sucked. I stayed with my uncle for a few
days and that was hell. We were stuck in the house for the
entire time. I come home to find out that in the TWO (yes
only two) days that i was gone, J took it upon himself to
go to a strip bar. I had a titty fit and almost killed him.
But i guess we are on good terms now
B told me today that his heart belonged to me. That his
addiction is stronger than ever and he cant wait to see me.
Im gonna go out tonite w/ my cousin. We are desperate for
some means of entertainment. She leaves on wednesday and
wont be back till the 20 something. I want to go with her
so bad but mom doesnt want me to, actually she doesnt want
to hook me up with a ticket so im a little stuck on that. I
found this song that is my horrible life wrapped into 3
mins of lyrics. Its by Linkin Park, its called "Crawling".
The first time i heard it, it was on T.V (the video) and i
just went blank in the face, and nothing but tears moved on
my face. I was completely still the whole time. And ever
since then, i listen to it at least once everyday. It built
this sort of hole in me. It was strange. I sent the lyrics
to my mother, my cousin and J. And told them that it was
what i felt inside, and i hoped that it didnt scare them. I
worry that J will get freaked out, but oh well. I stood by
him after that bullshit he pulled yesterday, then he should
be able to stand by me throughout all the bullshit i am
going through.
B is gonna be so thrilled to see me when i go out there. I
am gonna go next summer. That will be my YEAR trip. well i
gotta go.....

"crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal,
fear is how i fall, confusing what is real...."


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