camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-05-22 12:21:19 (UTC)

19 minute note

my room smells of hugo boss for some reason. it could be my
imagination.

i should be studying but i'm just not in the mood yet.
can't stop thinking about things...how things are
going...how things are flowing...

the night is quiet. i hope i have a dreamless sleep
tonight.

there is something about online diaries and depressed
people. particularly about this website. must be the black
background.

17 years and still moving. i will be living for a decade
and eight years in a little over a month's time. most
people say that after you reach 18, everything starts
moving down. i hope not. i want to live for so much more
although i don't know why i am alive. sometimes i wonder
what would have happened if i never took my first gasp of
air. sometimes i can't even believe that i'm me, that i'm
here. that i'm breathing and reading and writing.

sometimes i wish i was an angel with wings upon my feet. i
wish i have a sword of fire on my hand, guarding and
defending the needy.

can i change the world? angel wendell says i have the
potential to. but i don't know...and i don't think i will
ever know.

boyfriend problems?...i don't have boyfriend problems. i
have only self problems..and perhaps, world problems.
problems such as longing for a bang & olufsen tv that costs
fifty thousand dollars. sigh. i fell in love with that tv
the first time i saw it. i now officially believe in love
at first sight.

the beautiful things in life are either unhealthy or
they're just too damn expensive. almost everything we enjoy
will cost us our lives. we slowly kill ourselves by
breathing. deadly necessity.