Gary

black eyed angels swam with me
2002-05-22 07:22:51 (UTC)

i hurt everyone i love.

yes. i have come to that conclusion. everyone outside of
my immediate family that i have felt a true, honest,
simple, even friendly love for, i have hurt. Natalie,
Nicole, Jorell, Afton, Becky, Brandon, Annie... my
boodtrail. i'm ashamed.

why do i never say what i want to say? why do i never do
what i want to do? i have just realized that that i am not
the only one that i hurt when i don't say things that i
want to. or should. all the more reason to do them in the
first place.

Natalie. too long ago to remember, but a face and a name.

Nicole. I was too naieve to know she loved me, even if we
were only 15, should have lived the moment.

Jorell. I should never have betrayed his trust.

Afton. Should have married her.

Becky. Should have married her too.

and the last. the last nail in my coffin. don't feel too
bad annie. you have not hurt me, i have hurt myself. if i
make it through the night, i will be a changed man. i
swear. my dreamboat annie. ship of dreams.

i'm going to listen to the waking life score tonight.
maybe i'll just float off into the sky...




Ad: