Whoathere1

Kmac
2002-05-22 01:57:18 (UTC)

wierd..9:50pm may 21, 02

Tj just came by to bring me my pictures of us at the prom.
Talk about feeling awkward? i know we both were
like "errghh uh...umm..how are u?" we didn't know what to
say. Its hard to look at him since we did "the dirty." If
i could take it back i would but i can't. I just felt as
tho i was pressured into it. i know i can't blame it on
him but honestly....he wouldn't get off of me. So i gave
in. And the second time i gave in to just because i didn't
care anymore about anything!! I don't know....you
know..it's in the past and i can't change what has happened
in the past.It's so crazy! Everyone gets horny i know but
i think that there is a good place to draw your line. I
don't think i have kept up with that well. The only person
that i kept that up with good was shawn and Ben. Ben
helped me though. We were together 3 ..almost 4 months and
it seemed like it was just perfect and we never hardly
fooled around. It seemed like our relationship was just
awesome. Now i love to play and mess around but i think
maybe sometimes it can screw a good thing up but sometimes
it just makes things fun even tho there are plenty things
in the world! I don't know....i was so happy with ben but
yet depressed. I use to cut my wrist. I don't think i
would ever do it again. but i use to crave cutting my
wrist. Like i enjoyed the pain ..and everytime i would
look at my wrist i couldn't wait to get home and cut
myself. I was really depressed and thought noone cared for
me. I didn't want to be alive. I think i did it a little
for attention to see who really did care for me. But
anyways....i'd never do it again. I sound like a psycho
right now. I don't even know how i got into this stuff.
I'm just a rambling on.

Tomorrow i'm suppose to go to shawns house. i think we are
gonna make out and play the guitar! Exciting eh?? i love
making out so that's always fun!

The pics of me and tj are dog ugly. I look fat in the hips
and he looks all nappy-fied. Like he looks crooked and he
has his hand on his belly like he is hungry! wtf? lol...
well ending this now....
xoxo




Ad: