kara hicks
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2002-05-22 01:18:42 (UTC)

dear diary 1


Parents got into another big fight, it was shoved on me
that it was my fault and stuff. Sometimes i dont know
what to do exactly, i just want to end my life, but then I
realize how much i'd be hurting others.... I guess its
strange because As much as people say family come first,
They're constantly fighting and making me feel like shit-
i turn to my friends for help and they're caught up in
their drama and stuff, randis got her own problems with
her parents and her mutliple boyfriends its not good. Ali
is always there for me, but i feel bad shoving my problems
ontop of her, making her see my pain and greivance I go
through. Shes so increidably lucky and sometimes I don't
think she sees it. *sigh* Chelsea is just not the type
i'd want to turn to, I mean I love her to death and I can
relate to her sooooooo much. but Its just too intense
All I can think of is turning to suicide, but then all the
images of my friends and what would happen run through my
mind, I guess thats why i'm on anti-depressant pills it
sucks though. I get extremly hyper during the day and
then it all falls at the end, If only ppl knew how
sensitive i am and how much I cry, I cry because I can't
be like my friends I haven't had a boyfriend for almost 1
year and the last one was like a joke kinda. I hate it so
much. God..... oh well life does go on.