Kelly

The Art of Self-Destruction
2001-06-10 15:14:20 (UTC)

I'm tired and confused....

My life is just a meaninless circle of self-hatred. Nothing
more, nothing less.
I have no purpose. I no longer even hold a responsiblity to
this world. I have no reason to be here.
My existence makes no impression upon this earth. It's
almost as if I'm already dead.

I dont understand why I even continue. Yet here I am. My
social worker told me once I need to try and focus on my
future. At least then I'd have something to look forward to.

So, now I sit and look forward to everlasting misery. I can
look forward to probablly taking my life one day. I can
look forward to the way no one will give a damn. I can look
forward to the way the world would carry on, better than
before, once I'm no longer gasping for breathe.

My mother told me yesterday that my s.w. had called her a
few months ago. She said she had told me then, but I can't
remember, and in all seriousness I wouldn't forget.
Hmm...Anyways my mother said she was very snobby. And she
was upset she had to deal with me.
I didnt know this. I felt as if I actually had someone I
could tell this shit too (...remotely...) without worring
about her opinion of me.
I see I was wrong.
The pychologist I am going to now asked if she could call
her. So now I suppose once they communicate, I will once
again be seen as the parasite that I am.

And I ask myself again, why do I continue?




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