Aly1814

Crazy Mike
2002-05-21 02:02:25 (UTC)

This is really screwed up

I was trying to find a good site for a journal, and this is
what I found! Oh, yippee! I feel really stupid writing my
feelings on the computer like this...But I guess I had
better write SOMETHING.

I began reading BOY MEETS GIRL this morning, and I read it
all through school. It really made me rethink my feelings
and views on dating and men. I don't know if I will ever
be able to completely surrender myself like the author,
Joshua Harris, did, but I wish I could now. Falling in
love must be the best thing in the world, but the book made
me realize that I'm going about looking for love
prematurely and impatiently. I'm going to have to pray
that God changes my heart on this matter. I think that
from now on, I am going to try really hard not to
concentrate on guys and trying to "win" them over and
impress them but to concentrate on what God wants from me
and how a relationship would either build upon or deter
these plans. I am so dependent on other people and the
need to have a boyfriend that I tend to overlook God and
his perfect timing and plan.

There are so many faults I have recognized in myself so far
in reading this book, and I have only read about a hundred
pages. One thing I struggle with is relationships with non-
Christians. I desperately want to be friends with them and
be a good example, but I am not. I am an example of the
way the rest of the world acts, and that really connvicts
me. I am so full of pride that I am constantly sarcastic
and trying to tear others down. I am not very honest, to
myself, others, or God. This is something I have begun to
notice lately, and it is so hard to overcome dishonesty. I
am so concerned about what others think, and I hardly ever
focus on the important things and people in my life.
However, in contrast with my selfish faults, my self-esteem
is low, and I don't value myself as worth much, even though
I know I am God's child and He has a plan for me and He
knows the number of hairs on my head and I was made in His
likeness and so forth. I really contradict myself as a
Christian, and my prayer is that I can see past my
complaints to see what good God is working in my life. In
the next year, I pray that I see great changes in my
Christian walk and the way I interact with others.




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