The Basement
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2002-05-20 05:44:57 (UTC)

FUK!! Shitloads of Shit

havent written in a while lolz.
Well lemme see wut to catch u up on...
Kelsy rocks my world.
Life sux.
Became the center of scientific study.
Lost my shoes
gonna join football camp wit kelsy
life sux
hafta go to counseling every week
diagnosed with depression
psychologically I'm at a college student level
life sux
didn't pass math class
going to china for a month
teacher sets up a meeting for me and this poet
have to read about depression and shit
hafta take pills
counselor stalking me because she thinks i'll kill myself
life sux.
.....and kelsy is hot.

Woo dass alot.okay lemme explain everything.
SET THE FL-..*cough cough* kidding. seriously. ever since
my teacher made an appoiontment for me with the skool
counler without MY consent, my life has been hell.Been
going everyweek for about 2 weeks now.One time they had to
have the janitordrag me out of class for my daily therapy
because I didn't want to go.Haha, now everybody thinks I'm
psycho because I was all cussing and yelling all the way to
the counselors office.They looked at my scores for previous
tests and stuff and it came out my psychological level is
abouta highschoolers and I have this weird ability to
comprehend even the toughest of writings or some shit like
that.So now I've become a guinea pig.I'm about 90% smarter
then about 87% people my age nationwide...heh...but I dun
wanna be smarter...So i'm not. and they cant make me.=P
Plus, I have secret after school classes about my
depression. They are all afraid I'll try to kill myself
again.Good thing my parents dont know about it. I wonder
what they'll say if I told them I'm going to depression
rehab..lolz.But the thing is... I've been depresse ever
since I could remember due my childhood.So
If i get cured...I wont be who I am.Because Who I am till
now, was the me in depression.And I dont think I can start
over again as another prissy bitch like my cousin.
Depression is me and I dont want to change that...But the
counselor is threatening to tell my parents if I dont take
the classes. They dont want my dead ass in their
school.Guess I'll hafta drag it somewhere else... I even
know How i'll do it.Typical way. I'll put the gun in the
refigerator so its nyce and cold. Then walk onto a cliff at
night unerneath the stars and put the gun to my head.I like
it. So watever fukking god out their can see how fukking
screwd up my life was.So they wil witness how I'll give up
to their sadism.They arent gonna play me anymore.

Okay #2
yea yea yea, mah friends r still giving me a hard tyme
about her being white.She drops E, she raves, she fights,
she skips, she cusses at the teachers, she dun give a shit,
she's wild,she's hardcore, she drinks, she hotwires,and she
smokes. She's perfect.She's already been with 2 gurls and a
guy.Thats aite.I still like her even though everybody
thinks I'm too thuggy and she's too punky and we'll never
have anything in common.But i guess I like that. Atleast we
have something different to talk about "Opposite attracts."
My friends r giving me hell whenever I flirt with her.
grrr... gonna kick their ass.She's bi too. But leaning
close to liking guys more. Mmmm..we'll see about that.
Nobody knows this but I guess I can be bold when I want
to.But...I'm usually too lazy or chicken.

Wrote some more suicidal poems.Teacher accidently read some
of my poems I carved on my desk so he is setting me up a
meeting with his wifes friend who is a poet.She's gonna be
my mentor fo a while.
Plus, I also found a poem I wrote for J on an untittled
document.I guess I must've forgot to send it.I dont think
I'll ever send it though.But even though I like kelsy now,
I guess I still like J.See if you can find the hidden
message. ^.- I dare ya.

I'm sorry for the times i make you cry,

Love, i cant seem to get you out of my mind.
Oceans cant seperate me from you,
Visions of our future together keeps me alive,
E is for your eyes that i long to look into at nights.

Your all I'm thinking of,
One star out of a sky.
U is for the unspoken feelings I can not describe.

Just for one night i would like to show you,
Affections are just the beginning of my feelings for you.
Yesterday I dreamed about you,
Emptiness filled me when I woke up & your not here.
Regreting the times I cant be there,
Needing you every single second.

Love is the thing you gave to me
Eveything seems to become brighter when I hear your voice,
Everyday I thought about you wishing you could be here.

Aching for your touch
Longing for a kiss,
Wishing for that smile,
A heartbeat to match with mine.
Y is for the yesterday I cant forget,
So special you still are to me.

There. Sorta mushy ryte? haha cant help it.I'm just a
hopeless romantic.There's my fault.
Gonna go now. mom bitchin. baiz.


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