ThOuGhTs Of A LoTuS ChiLd
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2002-05-19 01:00:40 (UTC)

I have No Self Control

well its saturday already..sittin here alone ,doin
nothing,bored on my ass, wasting my precious weekend that i
drag myself through a week of skool for...and to do what?
sit here and think all these damned thoughts.
I made plans to go to Blyth's house friday.Ronney was
gonna come over and we'd go see gary.turns out ronney and
gary are good friends now since gary lives near him.so
after skool my mom drove me over and me and blyth
chilled.the ronney and his girl came over.we sat and
talked,listened to music, and smoked a couple joints.Blyth
is great to hang out with...hes a real sweetheart.and of
course i proilly fucked our friendship up already.well
Felice came home and Forest was with her.we all hung out
and next thing i knew it was like 1:30.so i just decided to
crash there since i was so tired.well me and blyth were
laying on his bed talking and stuff and he was huggin me
cuz it was cold.we were laying there and outta no where i
kissed him.i just went with my instincts.he kissed back and
i kinda flipped out cuz i felt whore-ish since i still feel
so much for burke.i dont want to lead people on but i have
no self control or no voice of reason and therefore i do
stupid things.so we feel asleep and blyth slept with his
arms around me and most of the night he sat and watched me
sleep.i was proud of myself that all we did was
kiss...becuz im sticking to my "no below the belt"
rule...im done with that shit..its too dangerous for the
mind ,body, and soul.so we woke up and i hung out untill 4
and i went home.
*waiting on my Charlie Parker and Tool songs to download*

I talked to my pap...my car might not be out of the shop
till Monday.Im happy becuz i got my stickers for my car
already..it was the quickest i ever got anything from
psychopathic.still waiting on the pipe from M500 tho.

Burke had the nerve to call me friday.just to talk..he
didnt really have a reason just to see what i was up too.i
dont understand that boy at all.i heard during the middle
of the week he was at Hupes all up on her.hah like i would
believe he didnt want nothing to do with her.he must think
im an idiot...oh wait..i am...well he called and we talked
sum i didint have much say.he said he was gonna stop by
today after he got his tat done cuz he'd be with Chris.well
im still here and he hasnt showed up. Delawder stopped by
earlier and said he was at the shop when burke was
there.Burke wasnt with Chris,he was with his older bro and
he told Delawder he was goin to a family thing today.so
maybe thats why.he could of called tho.oh well..fuck
it...fuck him..
* still not healthy....maybe im dying*
well Stir of Echoes is on..its a bad ass movie so i might
go watch it..hopefully sumthin exciting will happen but its

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