cutekat4u

kat pages
2002-05-18 22:05:16 (UTC)

May 19, 2002

TODAY IS THE FIRST TIME I AM WRITING IN THIS DIARY AND I
GUESS I DONT KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

I WILL BEGIN WITH MY HUSBAND OF 6 MONTHS LEAVING ME I AM
HAVING A VERY HARD TIME WITH THIS, I AM TRYING TO GET ON
WITH MY LIFE BUT IT IS NOT EASY I LOVED HIM SO MUCH AND I
MISS HIM SOMETHING AWFUL, BUT HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME I
GUESS

WE GOT MARRIED 7 MONTHS AGO AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
WONDERFUL I LOVED HIM SO MUCH AND THOUGHT HE LOVED ME AS
WELL. WE MET ONLINE AND WE DATED FOR 6 MONTHS AND THEN HE
MOVED IN WITH ME AND IT WENT WELL THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS
GOOD HE SEEMED HAPPY, BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED I WAS SEEING
ANOTHER MAN AND HE WANTED TO MARRY ME ALSO BUT I CHOSE MY
HUSBAND INSTEAD,WE GOT MARRIED AND THINGS SEEMED GOOD WE
TOOK A MORTGAGE OUT ON MY HOUSE THAT MY PARENTS GAVE ME AND
HE KNEW I GOT THE HOUSE WHEN HE MARRIED ME AND I PAID OFF
ALL HIS DEBTS FROM THE CREDIT UNION AND GAMBLING DEBTS WE
PAID OFF MY OLD BILLS AS WELL I BOUGHT HIM A TRUCK AND WHEN
THE MONEY WAS GONE SO WAS HE MY MOM DIED IN JAN AND HE LOST
HIS JOB AROUND THE SAME TIME AND THINGS WENT DOWN FROM
THERE, WE FOUGHT ALOT HE LOST HIS UNEMPLOYMENT FOR AWHILE.
HE GOT A JOB THREE DAYS A WEEK AND I DIDNT KNOW UNTIL WE
SPARATED THAT HE HAD LOST HIS JOB THERE AND WAS GOING TO
WORK AND BRINGING MONEY HOME LIKE HE WAS WORKING BUT REALLY
HE HAD BEEN FIRED 4 WEEKS BEFORE THAT I SAID WHAT WERE U
DOING WHERE WERE U GOIN WHY DIDNT U TELL ME ABOUT LOSING
YOUR JOB SAID HE COULDNT AFTER LOSING MY MOM AND ALL I WAS
GOING THROUGH AND I SAID THAT WAS RIDICULOUS,HE HIT ME ONE
NIGHT AFTER WE WERE MARRIED IN DEC AND HE GOT NASTY ABOUT
EVERYTHING ONE NIGHT WE HAD A FIGHT AND HE THREW ALL MY
STUFF ON THE FLOOR OFF OF THE DRESSER AND HE SAID I DID
THAT SO I WOULDNT HIT YOU . HE BLAMED ME FOR THE MARRIAGE
ENDING I WILL EXPLAIN NOW

WHEN MY RELATIONSHIPS ENDED WITH MY EX HUSBANDS AND MY
BOYFRIENDS WE REMAINED FRIENDS AND THEY USED TO CALL EVERY
NOW AND THEN TO SEE HOW I WAS DOING AND MY DAUGHTER WAS
DOING AND HE WOULD GET SO MAD AND I ADMIT I USED 2 TEASE
HIM ABOUT IT PLAYFULLY AND HE SAID I DIDNT LOVE HIM ENOUGH
I TOLD HIM THEY DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING TO ME I ONLY WANTED HIM
AND IT DIDNT MATTER WHAT THEY WANTED AND ONE NIGHT WHEN WE
HAD AN ARGUMENT AND HE WAS BEING A BASTARD SO I WENT OUT
AND STAYED AT A MOTEL FOR THE NIGHT TO PUNISH HIM I WAS SO
MAD AT HIM AND I DIDNT TELL HIM WHERE I WAS I WAS AT THE
HOTEL ALONE AND I CALLED SOMEONE AN OLD LOVER AND STILL
FRIEND TO TALK TOO AND HE BLEW A FIT WHEN I TOLD HIM.

AND ONE DAY HE JUST UP AND LEFT SAID IT WAS GETTING TO
MUCH FOR HIM HE NEEDED TO GET AWAY FROM HERE.THINK HE WAS
LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO LEAVE ME AFTER THE MONEY WAS GONE
AND NOW I AM LEFT WITH A MORTGAGE ON MY HOME AND HE TOOK
THE TRUCK I BOUGHT HIM AND THE FIRST MONTH HE WAS GONE HE
KEPT TELLING ME HE LOVED ME NOT TO SEE ANYONE ELSE THAT HE
MIGHT COME BACK AFTER HE HAD TIME AWAY AND HE WANTED TO SEE
ME AND WE MADE LOVE AND I THOUGHT MAYBE HE WOULD COME BACK
I SAID WE WOULD GO FOR COUNSELING ANYTHING HE WANTED HE
PLAYED ME LIKE A FIDDLE I DIDNT KNOW WHERE HEWAS LIVING OR
PHONE NUMBER NAD HE WOULDNT GIVE IT TO ME.

WE HAD PLANNED TO ATTEND HIS HIGHH SCHOOL REUNION AND I
TOLD HIM HE HAD UNTIL THEN TO GIVE ME HIS ANSWER SO WE WENT
AND HE WAS SO NICE LOVING AFFECTIONATE AND IT WAS WONDERFUL
WE MADE LOVE OVER AND OVER AGAIN I THOUGHT MAYBE HE HAD
DECIDED TO COME BACK WELL THE NEXT MORNING HE WAS A
DIFFRENT PERSON DISTANT, NOT TOUCHING ME,AND ON THE WAY
HOME I ASKED HIM WHAT HE DECIDED HE SAID HE WASNT COMING
HOME.and i said so once again you used me i said if you
really love each other you can get through anything
he said you really believe that and i said yes or i would
never fall in love again if i didnt.he dropped me off and
said dont hate me please and i said i dont hate you but you
made your decision so thats it its over and that was the
last time i saw him or spoke to him and that was a week ago,

i cry for him and miss him every day still and when i go
out with anyone i feel guilty i shouldnt but i do.

and if he asked to come back right now i would take him
back pretty pathetic right?




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