6445bekiM

white girl living in the city, in a big apartment house

i don't think i've ever heard any other songs by screeching
weasel, but "the girl next door" is a great song. it makes
me think so many things, SLC punk, jason, a beautiful girl
that the song is about, the early 80's punk scene, but not
the hardcore scene. i guess it's just a way of my living
vicariously, that'd be so cool be be one of the early
punkers, one of the veterans, one of the forefathers of
punk.
i know, i know. i've been bitching about giulia for days
on end, with almost no end in sight. but perhaps, the end
has come, for this bout of dispear at least. i've been
ignoring her since she got back. but when i was a work, id
see a white voyager, and be all like "maybe that's giulia
coming by." and of course it wouldn't be, but when i did
see her, when she did show up, i would think, "what are you
doing here?" "hey, here's an idea...leave." but of course i
never said that. i just ignored her. then, it's about 1 am,
and my dog is barking like no other, but i was trying to
have 3 different convos online so i didn't pay much
attention to it. that and i had just gotten home, no one
was here and i was about up for a round of jerkin the
gherkin. but anyway, turns out giulia was at the door. she
just came over to the window at the computer room, and i
let her in, still kind of ignoring her.
but, everything was cool. i wasn't annoyed, i was
pissed, we just had a good time. of course, like always,
she insulted me, and i had the usual thoughts, "that hurts
my feelings...fuckin' bitch." and so forth and so on. but
now, she just kinda decided to sleep on the couch, so
that's where she is now. i don't like her cutting me down
all the time, but im not as pissed about it as i usually
am, or i should be. that's cold, and pretty harsh. but so
is reading her private stuff. so that's what i did. there
were all the love poems in there, they could be about me,
but a lot of the stuff we never did n stuff. but im sure
they're about at least 3 other guys. cause i didn't break
her heart, that was charlie nichols. i don't have green
eyes, and i don't have blue eyes...and im not 14 years
older than her. that's gross, well, i think so at least.
but that might be my affectionate side for her coming out.
just me facing the fact that i like her.
could i actually like her? or is this just a game im
playing with myself because i know she has feelings for me,
and i like to think she has strong feelings for me. or
maybe it's just my fat girl fetish and my hormones getting
worked up. i guess it could be a mixture of all
possibilities. are there that many "i's" in possibilities?
i guess so. i think im gonna try to catch some z's before
it's completely sunny, but it is only 6:17 am...only.

mjb