Ad 2:
2002-05-18 04:53:46 (UTC)

i dont wear my heart on my sleeve...

i taped it around your finger 10 months ago

so i tried the whole sleeping thing.
it didnt work very well.
i dont have my glasses on.
but it doesnt matter.
i wouldnt be able to make out the screen entirely even if i
the pain has control.
i cant stop thinking
and its the thinking thats bringing the pain.
i just took pills.
hopefully theyll knock me out.
im getting tired of having to rely on chemicals to do
something that should just come naturally..
its not that im addicted to it by any means.
it just doesnt work without it.
not recently anyway.
i havent eaten in awhile.
i dont remembre when.
bagel bites.
but that was a long while ago
i hope i dont get sick
i feel like my head is literally going to explode.
or implode.
i am my own enemy.

i wish that there was something i could do or say
but there isnt.
i feel so utterly powerless right now.
and so fucking vulnerable.
i just want to scream at everyone i see.
kick things and punch walls.

the pain isnt stopping.

maybe it never will.

life itself is just one huge fucking headache to me.
i should be perscribed sedatives.

i dont want to deal anymore.
i think im getting closer and closer to that with each
passing day.
actually i know i am.
i can see it and theres really nothing i can do about it.

for awhile i thought i had things under control.
thought i had myself under control anyway.

or maybe that was just another way of my mind fucking

i dont want to be awake.
i dont want to be thinking.
i just want to be in my futon.
turned off.

everything is fuzzy.

in and out in and out
my private fucking reality.
i odnt thikn i like the real world too much.

i fucking hate it.

i cant see this is stupid