Thoughts from Blue Angel
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2002-05-18 04:28:34 (UTC)

Keeping the Strength

I almost didn't work out today. In fact, it was 9:30
before I decided to climb on the treadmill, but I'm so glad
I did! Of the first mile, I only slowed down to a
speedwalk twice, for a total of .07 miles. Not too bad,
considering I usually walk at least 1/4 of it. I had no
idea my endurance would build so fast! I'm excited. Of
course, if I would have been running the mile for PE, my
time would have still been in the D or F range, but hey -
that's better than what I was doing 5 days ago!

I woke up planning to drive down to spend the day with
Adam. I was determined to go down there and keep my pants
on. But, after getting dressed - makeup and all - I find
out there was a bad storm going through down there and it
wouldn't have been safe to drive in. But who wants to ruin
their freshly done makeup by running on a treadmill?

I didn't realize until around 8:00 that today is the
anniversary of Dad's death. Maybe that's why I was so
touchy today, even though I didn't remember consciously.
My mom almost had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the
floor when the VCR wouldn't eject a tape. I really cannot
console her. There's a huge distance between us,
especially when it comes to Dad. She is so emotional about
it, and I'm... well, not. We're more like roommates than
mother and daughter. I've always been the independent
type, and she needs a very attached daughter. I can't give
her what she wants.

All in all, it was a long day, and I'm not sure what to
think of it. I feel pretty numb about it all. I think
I'll plan on making tomorrow a doubly great day to make up
for it.