What you never knew
2002-05-17 23:51:22 (UTC)


i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself. im scared
again. im so scared. i dont want to be pregnant. i dont
want to go through all of that. please........oh god. ive
been sitting here thinking and i mean...the chances of me
being pregnant are slim..but there is that chance and im so
scared about it. i dont want to be pregnant. i dont want
these worries right now. jeez. im so stupid. i wish i had
gone on birth control before i did it. y am i so stupid.
knowing me, im going to be pregnant i just know it. its
going to be my fault my punishment for doing what i did.
the thing is..i still want to do it again. i still want to
but now that i think of it i dont know if im ready for that
yet. jeez i dont even know if i was ready to lose my
virginity. i was ready to have sex but not ready to worry
like this or know deep down inside that im pregnant. i
guess if i am i might as well say goodbye now because im
gonna kill myself if i am. just so u guys know. i dont want
to go on living if im pregnant and i truly mean that. im
gonna make matt take me down to get birth control pills
this time before we do that again. do i even want to do
that again? of course i WANT to but should i is the
question. im so torn right now and i just i dont know what
to do about it. if i go thru it logically its okay to do just scared right now. GAAH i want my period to
start NOW. i dont think i will ever be happier to see that.
i just deal with so much already....please not pregnancy

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