Lizzerbeans

its beena while

So, i think I'm more effected by my dad leaving than I thought I would
be. It really upsets me, y aknow.. thats my dad. Sure, he'll be
back.. and I know that.. but still, thats my dad, and I'm worried and
scared for him. I feel like I can't talk about it to people though..
cause they wouldnt understand.. i mean if someone told ME that theyre
dad was going on a mission over in warzones or something, i wouldnt
know how to react.. just say "wow, that sucks" and go on with my day..
and i dont want to make people feel uncomfortable.

He's home now, he was allowed to come home on a 96 hour pass, so he'll
be here until sunday morning.. and I'm happy about that, and I know I
should spend this weekend with him - but I dont have a ride out there,
and no one will come pick me up. They're just like "wait til saturday
night when adam comes out" .. that sort of hurts my feelings, ya
know.. i wanna go out there. I feel like .. I dont know.. in between..
neglected almost.. but not in a way that I'm like "everyone feel sorry
for me" because I dont feel that way.. but its almost like my mom is
like "go live with your stepmother!" because they want to remodel the
house and fix up the yards and stuff and I think they want to do it
themselves.. they dont say that, but hey, I've learned more in Robby's
class than you think.. and I can tell by their body language that they
sort of want alone time.. and thats understandable i guess. My step
mom, on the other hand, I dont know.. I think she wants me to live
with her out there, but I think its just because she doesnt want to be
alone when Matthew leaves for the Air Force. She wants the help to
redecorate and everything, but she keeps saying we'll do it after
Matthew leaves, and I sort of sense that she doesn't want me out there
this summer because she doesnt want to have to drive me places and
stuff. I dont know.. thast understandable I guess.
just for the past few weeks I've been feeling really sad inside..
like it hurts me to think about this stuff.. and I know I'm being
selfish and I should just not worry about it.. but still.. I wish I
had someone to talk to who would actually listen.