Essie

ahoy hoy
Ad 2:
2002-05-17 19:27:55 (UTC)

oops.. forgot to post this yestersay!

well I feel better today. I hope Susan isn’t angry with
me because I wanted to go home. I had said I was coming
home on Wednesday morning but I didn’t feel like it and
when I saw the opportunity to get home with out having my
mom pick me up or having to take the metro. I don’t know I
got a feeling that Susan was pissed with me because I
didn’t want to go to scripts with her. (sorry Susan but if
you read the journal entry before this one I hope you
understand why I wanted to go home. I really wasn’t
feeling well. And I needed to talk with me mom. Me and my
mom might have dumb ass arguments, but we talk a lot and she
helps me get my shit together when am bouncing off the
walls) I don’t know, I also didn’t want to stay in you’re
dorm, Chris bugs me I don’t know why its probably me being
weird, (or me being a bitch) but something about that boy
makes me want to punch him in the face. Yeah I know its
irrational but weirdly enough that’s how it is. ( oh, Susan
I hope you’re not really pissed at me or blame it on the
weed, although you didn’t put much of a fight, you agreed
quite readily.( I would have asked you to drop me off
anyways. If I would have known before we left to go pick up
Maria and Nancy, that we weren’t coming back to Scripps I
would have packed my bag. I hope you under stand that I
have told my mom that I was coming back on Wednesday and
truthfully I really didn’t want to stay a whole week. I I
had originally planned to leave Tuesday night if we didn’t
do anything. Yesterday was really fun hope. And the movie
was really fun so I hope you don’t think I didn’t have fun
because I did.

It was really nice hanging out with perla and Maria. But I
did not appreciate Maria calling me stupid and an idiot, am
sorry but that was a little unkind. Its one off my pet
peeves I hate it when people call me that when am goofing
off, I personally like goofing, also I bothers me that from
all my friends Maria is the only one who jokes around like
that with me. I don’t know since she has known me for a
while, its kind of insulting to me, even if she is joking
which I hope she is. It would really suck ass if she really
does think I’m stupid). Because even my friends from school
will not say that to me. Hell I have people who have know me
for more than 7 year who do not call me that. Oh well.
Whatever. It was stil fun hanging out with them. Nancy was
really funny, and perla was perla so that was nice.

This morning I felt so bad emotionally not physically. An
once again I have no idea why. Which really sucks. But I
quickly got over it. Its hard to focus, on stupid
depressing thoughts when you have a 2 year old around you (
lol ) its great. ^_^ never a dull moment. (thank god,
otherwise I would be all melancholy) I think its about
time I admit to the shit that’s wrong with me. I keep on
making excuses, they work but I guess they aren’t really
helping. Me and my mom talked about it earlier today. Oh
well am going to the doctor tomorrow,( I was supposed to go
today, [that’s why I couldn’t stay longer with you susan]
but we had to change the appointment last minute.) I think
they are going to evaluate and see if indeed I do need to
be put on some type of anti-depressant. ( sorry you friends
I find it really hard to talk about these issues of mines,
I have been in denial for such a long time and I really
don’t feel comfortable verbally speaking about them. I find
it easier to type my woes) I find it quite funny, really,
oh well. its no biggy, its not like its something new, am
just tired of it and want to do something about it.



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