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Product of a Broken Home
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2002-05-17 15:17:40 (UTC)

Hanging on Electric Dreams

i'm getting tired of feeling jolts of sensation everytime
he touches me. it doesn't matter if he barey runs his
fingers over my skin, or bumps into me in the hall, or
bites, or pulls my har, its always the same reaction.

it was nice at first, didn't bother me much. but its
constant now. it doesn't stop. its not fair.

but then, what is fair?

not much it seems. life in general isn't fair. having to
drive for 10 hours to regina for a wedding for people i
don't know, and am pretty sure i wouldn't like if i did
know, isn't fair.

its may long weekend, i'm supposed to get to do stuff with
my friends, decorate my room, and plant my bloody garden.
which i'm having to fight to even get because my
grandparents want to plant lawn there. i guess i should
just let them, since i'm trying to move out anyway, but, i
really want this. something of my own.

something of my own that won't whine and complain if i'm
not there all the time. something i can water, and weed,
and do quick touch-ups on, and then leave.

his clingyness is getting to me again, sometimes i just
want to run away, to slap everytime he touches me, and to
scream at him to leave me the fuck alone. of course i never
say or do any of this. i couldn't, because that would be
acting out of place. that wouldn't be doing whats expected.
and he would get depressed and worried, and i would feel
horrible, and just end up telling him it was all ok, and
we'd move on, and a week later, it would all happen again.

i should kick myself.

~jesyka


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