sylv

imprints of my noise
2001-06-08 18:09:12 (UTC)

finally...at 2:02 a.m.

finally decided to start writing online diaries. it's 2:02
a.m. right now. if i were still living at tufts, this would
be like, the beginning of the evening, the signal that i've
still got a couple more hours to go but i should put a stop
to fooling around. but now, in taipei, at home, this is
like, shit, its late, why am i not tired?! our sense of time
seems to work around where we are located and what we think
of ourselves. at least my sense of time seems to work that
way.
have you ever gotten the urge to write after reading a book?
i get that a lot. and this one entry or the move to start
writing online journals, i should say, since this is the
first entry, is a result of that urge. suddenly wondered if
by putting this journal online, i am relying more of my
existence onto the *online world*. I exist online. i exist
through my ICQ, my IM, my emails. I exist through the
searches for ILLEGAL, DOWNLOADABLE, CRAZY FAST AT TUFTS BUT
SLOW AS HELL AT HOME napster music. yes. one word. ONLINE,
explains a huge part of my existence, takes up almost my
entire contact with the outside world. but there is no one
online i can talk to right now. i had a sudden urge to talk
to someone. to start an intellectual conversation.
maybe. or just to get to know him a little bit better.
perhaps the urge was inspired by a sentence in the book i
just finished reading about 30 minutes ago, its in chinese
and i don't want to translate it word by word because my
lack of linguistic ability and translating talent will ruin
its beauty...but the main idea is, a guy was afraid to tell
the girl the truth...that he is seeing her because he met
her, and created the illusoin that there is love, only
because he was lonely.
i wondered if i had talked to the person before outta
loneliness...and because of that, i wanted to talk to him
online in hope of confirming my feelings.

talking to confirm my motives for talking...fALLACY OF
CIRCULAR THINKING.