poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2002-05-17 05:01:28 (UTC)

Things as they are ...

Well, here I am again ... I know, I know, I haven't been
consistent in keeping up with this journal writing, but
I've been busy.

Last weekend, Brandon turned two! Dad and Suzie stayed the
weekend and on Saturday it was family day at Disneyland for
Brandon's birthday. Brenda and Freddy were there from the
morning and Naomi arrived later in the afternoon with
Mathew. Brenda is pregnant and still recovering from her
near fatal car accident, so she rented a wheelchair which
was actually beneficial to the whole family because we
didn't have to wait in all the long lines! It was kinda
like when mom was alive ...

The whole day was really pretty fun though tiring,
especially since Dad and Suzie still like to close the park
and they were staying here with Chantelle and me, so we all
went in the same car together, which meant I had to close
the part with them. Nonetheless, I was pretty surprised
that other than feeling tired towards the very end of the
day, I wasn't in any pain - usually my knee, hip and/or
back starts to wig out after a lot of walking like that,
but I didn't feel any pain until the next day, so that was
good. (not the pain, just the fact that I made it through
the day!)

Sunday was Mother's Day and we all had lunch at Mimi's Cafe
in Northridge - Brenda, Freddy, Dad, Suzie, Brandon,
Chantelle and I. Afterwhich, Daddy and Suzie took off on
their return to Arizona.

After we said our good byes, Chantelle and I headed over to
see Harry. Chantelle was in a mood all day, but Harry
asked me if there was anything I'd like to do and I said I
wanted to go to the Northridge Mall to check out my
favorite store, Mode Plus ... he said that was fine by him
and in separate cars we went from his place in Glendale to
Northridge - because he WAS going to spend the night since
we hadn't gotten together on Saturday due to the fact that
my family was in town and we were at Disneyland. Anyway,
we went to Mode Plus and I tried on several things ... a
pair of black pants with a really cool, trendy blouse as
well as a trendy red and black skirt with a sexy black
top ... which Harry thought looked great on me. And he
bought both outfits for me! $76! Besides clothing gifts
for Christmas or otherwise, Harry's never actually boughten
me anything from a clothing store when we've gone together
and I've tried things on! It made me feel so special ...
and he said I deserved them!

He ended up not spending the night because Chantelle was in
her 'mood' and just acting pissed off all day, but even
more so when we were with Harry. She said to me on the way
home from the mall that it was supposed to be MOTHER'S DAY,
NOT BOYFRIEND'S DAY ... and she was very dissapointed that
he was coming back to spend the night. I told Harry how
she felt and he decided to leave ... after he set up the
stationary bike he had at his parents' house and said I
could have since no one was using it there.

All in all, last weekend was very busy ... and pretty good
for the most part.

This week I've been job hunting. I've had several
interviews. One job in particular, I'm quite interested
in, but it's in Chatsworth, which means I have a lot to
consider regarding what I'm going to do with Chantelle
since she goes to school in Sherman Oaks ... I mean this
job would be less than 10 minutes from where we're living
right now - if I got the job. And her school is already a
30-45 minute drive every morning from the house ... and
then from there, right now I'm driving to Brentwood. So,
if I worked in Chatsworth, I'd be driving all the way to
Sherman Oaks and retracing my steps practically to go to
work by where we live. I was contemplating moving to
Arizona if I couldn't improve our situation by the end of
the summer, but then I'd have to leave Harry and also,
there would no one to help with Chantelle after school
because I wouldn't know anybody out there - I mean, Suzie
and Dad would be living nearby, but they both work during
the day, so there would no help there.

I don't know ... it's not like being a single person and
looking for work ... I don't the liberty or freedom to just
get up and relocate or work where ever there's a job,
because I have to consider where Chantelle's going to go to
school and what's going to happen to her after school -
i.e. who's going to take care of her, etc. As she gets
older this becomes more of a concern and I worry about her
even more so than when she was a baby. I don't want her to
end up going down the wrong path just because I'm not
around since I have to work to support us.

Also, I know how hard these years are and I wanted her to
be able to go through Jr. High at the same school. I don't
want to have to move her ... it's going to be hard enough
starting a new school, but what about her friends, etc. I
just want to do right by both of us.

Ok ... I could write more, but Chantelle's waiting for me
to braid her hair ...

till later,
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can and the
wisdom to know the difference ... Amen




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