Chapter One: The Evil Within
2002-05-17 03:27:09 (UTC)

All I wanted was it all to be perfect!

Well, Dawnny isnt coming to graduation... my second mom,
and she wont be there. She may have to work... that makes
me feel great deep down inside.

Next, I won't get the senior show case of my dreams,
becuase I am just a puppet in this play, and my role is as
the comic releif. Half of my senior case is Matthew, and
Emmy got the camera for this weekend, for all the pictures
I need... I cheak with Matthew for Friday, and he said he
was free, now he isnt. He thought that Emmy was going to be
at my house all night, I mean its not like she has a life
or anything. (That's sarcasm if you didnt know) So now I
have a blank part of my senior showcase, because I wanted
to include a picture and a little something about that
person and what they mean to me, and how they influenced my
work. Well, if he is half of my art work, and almost all of
my jewelry, how can I just have like 3 pictures in there!?
How do I get the pics? I wanted them all cool and black and
white by Emmy... now I am going to have to work over time
so much on it... I dont have that much time left for it...
so now, besides emmy's stuff, its going to be a big shit
smeared in the case.

He came over today, and was at my house when I came home
from hell... Opps, I mean the Drama Class Play. Fucking
actors, and actresses, bossing me around, I'll drop a damn
leg on them, or a light fixture... Anyways, he came over,
and it's all hot and stuffy in the house, so I said I
wanted to go for a walk, and he said he didnt want to cause
he wasted his energy playing with 3/4 of the Flood
brothers, and Jenni, and someone else, so I make him
Pizza... I thought it was a nice sweet jesture, but then he
gave me the line that his stomach hurt, and his bladder
too. I wound up throwing it out, cause he wouldnt eat it,
and he was being all bitch and shit, saying I was, and I
was, I fully admit it. I figure, yes, I was, but I had to
put up with actors today, stupid ones! He left squealing
the tires... I dont know what to do now... how am I going
to get all this done, and being the way I wanted? Why is he
being an ass?

Yeah, I can just see how Ball is going to go now, he
will go off flirting with some girl, thinking its all good
and shit, assuming, and leaving me behind, to hang out with
me when he wants to. All I wanted was it to be perfect... I
wanted a stellar dress, and a great date, and to have fun,
and I dont even have a dress, and I THOUGHT my date was
stellar, but I dont even know now, and about that fun
thing... Ha! Josh will go on about how my mom is a bitch,
Emmy, I will force to go have fun with her Adam, and I will
be there thinking... "All I wanted was it to be perfect!"

As odd as it sounds, to me even, I want that knight in
shinning armor to ride up and say he loves me, and that he
will never leave me... I want that Ball where I dance the
night away on the arm of a guy who loves me, and sees no
one but me, and thinks that I am the most beutiful person,
I want him to whisper into my ear "You look beautiful
tonight, and I love you!" I want the perfect senior
showcase, where I say I love all of my friends, and there
are 4 major influence in my life... now I have 3, and I
love the # 3 in wicca and such, but I dont like it anywhere
else, though I suppose I like it more than I do 4, because
4 is too square. I dont know, All I wanted was it to be
perfect, but nothing will ever be perfect, because I am
just a toy, here when you need or want me, and pushed to
the side when you dont.


It is, its all just a stage that I'm going through, I dont
love you, its just another stage that will soon fade away...

I hope.