leeniead

blossoming life...
2002-05-17 02:09:16 (UTC)

peccadillo

currently, im so sick my brain is not even functioning
properly. maybe thats better cause if it was, i would
thinkin repetitively about the same thing, yah so. all i
can say is that i wish memories were erased and history
rewritten. it is my peccadillo and a colliding of fate that
everything happened. i have choosen the path of the lone
ranger. all for the better. the powerful see that they
possess no companionship because the powerful is alone, the
sacrifice to one's greatness. however, i can recognize that
he was a catalyst to my reevalution of life. that i am more
weary of the foundation i have established my life upon.
this can be good but bad. however, i can also see more
dents in my personality. more so than i previously
perceived. my fear for the unknown. my lingering on the
past or the future, never on today. i have wanted to try to
do a good deed everyday for a long time. i think ill try
that. it is also a questioning of fate and will power and i
struggle internally. i qustion my own intentions of moving
on and i wonder fate's existence is really impressed upon
my life. i have self conflicting feelings for whether i
should rejoice or weep. the battle between my heart and
brain continues. however, it does not matter any longer. i
still want a confrontation with it so i can clearly decifer
everything. meanwhile, the pondering on the facts of life
continues. this sickness is doin me some good, i am more
focused. i can see that the wellbeing of myself lies in my
own hands. i have to power to mold that happiness into any
distortion, which i had done. i am my own dismays. my
situation in society is still unclear, but im starting to
decide. i still feel what i felt when i told someone...a
moth sees the light of the bulb. it knows the light
symbolizes death, yet it still tries to grasp the light. as
when they succeed, death wrapped with a bow, they die. not
with sorrow, or disappointment because at that moment, the
greatest of their life, they shined beautifully and they
shiveled into the abyss with happiness. same goes with love
because it is the most sacred key to all the emotions of
humanity. to have truly loved once is worth more than
anything because it will led to a new elevation. i had yet
to act upon my words but i plan to in the future. lets
cross my fingers for the things to come...




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