Christine

Visions Of Life
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2002-05-16 19:13:18 (UTC)

Still Stuck In A Spiral. Where Do I Turn?

5-16-02
1pm

I really hate not working. I feel like such a failure
because I can't find a job no matter how hard I look. I owe
so much money and it sucks.

Thats really the only thing bothering me at the present
time. Last week I was a little upset over the whole baby
situation. Im not sure what brought that on. Maybe Mothers
Day or something. I was quite sad.

Everything else is going okay. My relationship is going
okay. Today wasnt the greatest day but its probally my fault
because Im a bitch and annoying and always in the way. Ah
well. Im just staying out of his way and since all I have is
a dollar, all I can do is browse the library and perhaps a
mall. Im so bored and kind of pissed and emotional. At least
I can control my emotions once more. No more breaking things
and hitting people.

Ya know, I have been so happy lately but today I am not
happy. I am horny and pissed off. I had so much sex
yesterday and now I'm used to that and Im not going to get
it and it is going to drive me fuckin crazy.

But such is my life. I am such a drain on society. How can I
enjoy my time off when Im broke and mooching off my
boyfriend. I need and job and no one will hire me. I am not
happy with myself today. I had such a great night last night
and now that the sun has come up, everything has gone to
hell. Ill be glad when he goes back to work tomorrow. I need
space and not space outside of the apartment. I need my
privacy in the apartment. Hopefully they fix the door so I
can actually shut the door so I can at least play with
myself without having him or the cat looking in on me. When
I want people to watch Ill let them know. Now Im rambling.
Its a sign of me being upset. Dont get me wrong. I have been
quite happy, today just sucks.

Nothing new in my life. I am a boring boring person with few
friends and few adventures. Most days I rarely see another
human being.

Ta Ta


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