S

trapdoors
2002-05-16 08:59:59 (UTC)

incubus concert, and other ramblings

i saw incubus and hoobastank earlier tonight and they
rocked my ass...hard. they were great. and yes, brandon
boyd is as hot in person as he is on television and mags.
and i liked the fact that he had his eyes closed a lot,
because i do that too at concerts. he rocks. they all
rock. some fucker took my sign though...grr...but it's
cool. i was pretty close to the stage but not like right
there in front, i didn't fall down, got bumped around a bit
but nothing like the metallica concert i went to in 94.
god...i hate them now, but back then i was into them. they
were my first concert. ha. suicidal
tedencies/danzig/metallica. i got hit in the face and my
glasses fell off. ha. so velma. it was funny.
but i must say, the weezer concert was actually better then
this one because there were more assholes at this concert.
of course incubus has it's share of asshole/testosterone
fans out there. pubescent boys, fucking 12 year old little
brandon boyd wannabes. oi. it was funny. of course at the
weezer show you saw rivers look-alikes around too but for
some reason it was cooler. actually rivers looks totally
different now, he's like all lumberjack looking. i'm not
liking the look, but no reflection on the man himself, he's
in a great band. and fuck i have to get the new album
yet. gotta do that tomorrow. shit it came out like two
days ago, i'm slacking. bah.
so yeah this concert was good, they played some of my
favorite songs. they played some off their earlier albums,
which i was happy about. they played "new skin", great
great song. they played "wish you were here", "nice to
know you" and "the warning" of course. hm.
played "privilege", "stellar", "drive", that was one of the
best songs they played, "pardon me", but they fucking did
that acoustic! i was like, no no no...i must jump around!
but i guess they weren't in the mood for the regular
version. they had a couch on stage while they did
acoustics, "mexico" was great, that song will forever be
remembered now. oh man and they did "nowhere fast" and
like two of my favorites off of "make yourself", which of
course is "make yourself" and "the warmth". i was elated.
and then the last song of the evening was "aqueous
transmission", which was perfect for the ending. they had
really really good screen images. it was like pink floyd
or something...sweet cheeba!
bras and pearls(?) were thrown on stage. ha. but as i
said, it would have been perfect if for two things, less
assholes, and "11am". of course that song was the one i
requested on my sign, but it went M.I.A real fast. bah.
i don't know though...i am weird about concerts. like i
just can't seem to be completely satisfied with them
because i suppose i want to be the musicians. i really
think that's it. ha. i think i'm like soooo enamoured with
them that it gets like watching someone get the part in the
film you've always wanted to do. it sucks. like these
girls all drooling over brandon boyd, i mean yeah, he's hot
and everything, will not disagree there, but i think i'd
rather BE him then GET with him. i'm fucking envious of
him. sigh. the boys always get to be the rock stars.
bah. and then when they're so fucking cool besides, and can
write well, and even fucking dance well too, it's just
like "ARRRRGH". i want to be thom yorke. i really really
really want to be thom yorke. he's like my buddha of the
music industry. as kerouac is in the writing industry. i
would spontaneously combust if i ever got to sit down and
have lunch with the two, like at the same time. in some
imaginable parallel universe/afterlife sort of thing. i've
dreamt about that. i'm sitting in this courtyard type
place at this white round table and me and kerouac are
having martini's. ha. and he looks over at me and leans in
close and looks me in the eyes and smiles, his mischievous
grin, and says to me "go on and fucking do it." and then i
wake up! i was like "woah" keanu/matrix style. go on and
do what exactly? i do not know. thom yorke is in my
dreams too but he's like blurry or something, and he's
always rubbing his forehead with his sleeves. i don't know
why. maybe he's blurry because he's still alive? kerouac
is like in perfect image. and i am too though. hmm. i
dont' know. ever since i've been on wellbutrin i've had
some fucked up dreams. prozac gave me some strange dreams
too though. ha. it sounds like i'm just all around fucked
up. *that is fucked up daisy*
so i have to call the medical assistance office tomorrow
and tell them i'm employed so they can take my access card
away and make me pay $70 for my prescription. yeah. sucks
bricks.
oh when i was working the other night i saw this boy i had
a big crush on for awhile, he rents the coolest movies and
works at the theater, well he used to anyway. he's artsy,
i think he may go to school for art. he reminds me of
jimmy fallon sort of. *meow* and like his one eyebrow
looks sort of shaved a little. maybe he liked vanilla ice
back in the day? and is probably kicking himself for it
now. ha. yup yup. anywho, if this boy keeps coming into
the store while i'm working i must get his attention of
course. maybe i am crazy but i think he is somewhat
attracted to me. i remember being at the mall on this
payphone and it was right by the theater and i look up and
see him through the glass doors looking at me. and it was
just like *flush* i don't know. that happens a lot with
me though, like i think i've got the attractiveness down
but then it must disappear quickly or something because
that's where it ends. but it's probably because i act like
i don't care. but i think i do what guys do, i think they
have a habit of pretending they dont' care and like i'm
supposed to be all puppy dog/smitten and i just don't do
that. i'm so not a girl. but i am a girl. if that makes
sense. i'm no bullshit. i have a problem bullshitting. i
need a course. bullshit 101.
so anyway...i've pretty much given up on the boy who i have
wanted for so long now, too too long. but i won't ever
forget him. just like i won't forget this boy who i first
sort of-somewhat fell in love with for the first time back
in junior high. he was my first boy friend. we would have
been perfect together. and i know that if he wouldn't have
moved away, we so would have gone out. we hung out
together like losers at the first dance in sixth grade and
just talked shit. ha. he liked guns n' roses, and at the
time i was all about madonna. i later got into guns n'
roses though. i remember one day he said that his mom or
dad, or someone, had bought him a madonna tape and that he
had started listening to it. i thought it was cute he was
listening to madonna because i was gaga over her. he never
found out that i got into guns n' roses, he said he was
moving to california, not sure if that's where he is now.
i'm such a loser that for the longest time i vowed not to
be friends with a boy. for fear of them moving away. i
know, utterly retarded. that's probably why i don't have
many boy friends though. still feel that everyone will
leave me. theron wasn't perfect, but he was like this good
thing in my life when things could have been completely
awful. unfortunately after he left, things started not
mattering too much anymore, i was a straight A student and
then suddenly i was getting C's and D's. it wasn't only
not having him to talk too, but also having my dad be
blitzed out of his mind a lot, and just me being a
teenager. if i could find out where theron is i would
really love to get in touch with him again. i still think
about him sometimes. seeing him now would be strange but i
would like to just see what he's like now. i just hope
he's doing okay because he was sort of the type to lose
himself. i could see him getting into some bad stuff, he
used to get into trouble a lot even back then. hmm...i
will probably never know. i will never know a lot of
things.
i wish my heart could feel full again like it used to a
long time ago, but i seriously think parts of it are
completely gone, gone with everyone who i wanted to give it
too. and i don't know how to salvage, don't know how to
compensate for all my losses.
ending here.

goodnight,

S




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