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2002-05-16 08:50:18 (UTC)

I just want things to go smoothly

Josh is having some mood swings. He called me today while I
was asleep and it was like everything I said just made him
feel like I wasn't responsive enough to him or something. I
was friggin tired is all. He said he'd send me an email and
he hasn't.

Last night we were talking on the phone talking about
things in the past, sex stuff mostly. He told me things,
and I listened, but when he asked me and I told him he got
so upset. I was a fucking virgin still when I met him, and
I'm the eleventh girl he's had sex with, it just didn't
make sense to me. He was mad that older guys would be with
a younger girl I guess, because I was like 14-16 when I did
most of my experimenting and most of it was with people
older. Anyway he actually got off the phone, threw up and
went running he was so upset. What is up with him? I just
don't get it sometimes. It's not like I was trying to make
him jealous, none of that stuff even really meant anything
to me and it was so long ago. He just frustrates me
sometimes, I mean I know he loves me, but I wish he would
just be more even keeled. I need him to be a little more

Arrrrgggghh...frustration. And just fucking everything. I'm
getting my IUD put in on monday which Im a little freaked
out about, he comes home next thursday, I just got done
with finals, I'm changing my medication and I need to quit
nicorette...when I get frustrated I get frustrated about
everything. I don't have any friends. I don't know where
I'm moving next year. I wish I had more money saved.