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2002-05-16 03:40:11 (UTC)


Here's the story:

I came home from school today, and it was a splendid day.
Very sunny, with an average temperature of 70 degrees. So I
wanted to seize the day and go out somewhere. So I ended up
calling my friend Aiondria.

I didn't really wanna do anything with her. I knew it would
sound fun at the beginning, and turn out bad at the end. (I
like the fact that I have a built in voice that tells me
what is right. I hate the fact that I usually follow the
voice that tells me what I know is wrong.) I like my
friend. Really, I do. Although there are just some things
that you need to do with other people.

For example: going to the park. I prefer not to do that
with her. Mainly cause I wanted to get inspired to write
that elf book by the time I came home. Something inspiring
for that, would be to get with nature atleast a little. She
didn't even want to walk on the grass though. I just can't
do that.

That's where we went. At one point we came to a stop, to
sit down. She sat down on this black raised platform, while
I couldn't stand to sit on that thing. I had to get up and
on to the grass after a few seconds. It just wasn't
natural. (I don't know, lately I've been having this thing
where, if I can do something outside, it has to be the
natural way. Not trying something that is supposably make
my life better and easier. grass
and trees make all of these things better.)

Since we were in the park, and the air was quite sweet, I
wanted to mainly stick within the park. Not walking around
like we did. (There, there is no fresh air, but constant
pollution caused by the cars of the guys who drive buy
staring you down.)
My idea of getting with nature is either lying on the grass
with my eyes closed, and just listening. Or to sit by a
tree, with my back to it, eyes closed, with focus and
concentration, listening and exchanging energy with mother
nature. I don't think Aiondria would ever quite think of
that. (I always wanna do this. Especially when it is warm.
Although I don't, because I say that I'm too embarassed of
judgement. If people would just see me there laying, or
sitting with my eyes closed, they would think I'm either
dumb, crazy, or dead. Also the knowledge of others being
there gives me a sense of worry, that ruins the meditation,
and the experiance. Either that, or I'm just making up

Eventually we did something I couldn't really stand, but
then again what could I do? Instead of being even around
the park, we flaked off to the small streets, so that guys
wouldn't be checking us out. The air was not sweet or fresh
at all. Just disgustingly warm and containing a foul scent.
The worst thing was that there was less grass there then
anything, and nothing to look at. No view of humans
enjoying simple ways of fun. (Instead of those video game

She started telling me about some ex that is real perverted
that has been calling her up lately and just doesn't get it
that she doesn't want him back. As much as I love to
listen, I really don't wanna listen about that when we are
in a park, for nearly 1/2 an hour. Nature is suppose to
make problems go away. Not surface. Atleast I don't think
so. Maybe, it's the guy's attitude that is making me so
upset about that though. He is a stereotypical pig. (Calls
her 5 times a day. Even at 5 in the morning, tells her he
loves her, tells her to come over. She's been saying no,
and not picking up the phone when possible, for a few
months now. Whenever she does pick up, she says she can't,
no leave me alone. So since she can't, he gets upset, yells
at her that he doesn't wanna see her anymore, and hangs up.
Then he calls her right back and apologizes, tells her he
loves her, and tells her to come over. Right after she
thought that he finally got the hint, that she doesn't want
to know him. What a jerk!)

I regret that I didn't follow that voice in my head and
stay at home to work on my elf story. I was in the mood for
it too. The proper mood. The kind when, poems leave your
mind as freely as a bird flies, and art comes out right. As
though talent were a thing that really existed.

Well, atleast I cam home at eight. So that way, I drew this
quite nice picture of a rose. I'm also thinking of getting
this box together, of basic art supplies that I may wanna
use whenever I get "the feeling," and just start drawing.

Although I still wish I wouldn't have wasted my time.